The rain falls down upon the black, dark black road. Cars roll across sounding like ocean waves. The lights illuminate the buildings, the street smells of chocolate from the local market. I see the doors swinging open with a flow of people going in and out. Just like the rain, the light , the wind, there is a flow to it all.
You cant stop it. It just comes. Christmas
This year I will be ok.
Christmas, and all holidays are huge mind weights for everyone. " The way it has to be" We can thank Normal Rockwell for that one. We get an Idea of how a holiday should play out. Most of the time it does not play out that way.
These are my holidays over the past 10 years:
- Thanksgiving, I had a hot dog at a truck stop alone - traffic was so bad I could not make it to my sisters
- Christmas - spent the day alone, visited a Catholic Prayer garden all day. Played music for nursing home residents
- Christmas - spent the morning at a lake just sitting in peace. Lakes dont know Christmas. They just know beauty.
- Thanksgiving - went hiking, ate a tuna sandwich
I do have three great kids, but due to a divorce we split the holidays. I see them on Christmas eve. Never on Thanksgiving. Divorce does this. I have a great HEART connection with these children. Deeper then If i stayed married. That is part of the reason I left. I could not be the dad and man I needed to be up on stage in a story of marriage.
Sorry, I got off track.. ok back to the holiday experiences.
These are just a few. These experiences were actually very rich. Not the norm at all. Once the holiday appeared and I was in the mix of the moment that pain of being alone on the holiday was not bad. It offered a great freedom. A sacred stillness
This year I have a girlfriend. She has a family and friends and neighbors. I have people to buy for and a place to go. My kids are older now and all drive over and we connect deeply in love.
This holiday comes along... and it lands upon more now. Not an empty story of loss, but a fullness.
Does it land upon this.. or express itself as it. ? Either way the fullness of the Heart is....