Sometimes in life, there are opportunities that we have to pass just because of some uncertainties and lapses that we are experiencing. Last month was Pride month --- a protest, not a celebration. I've seen so many couples within my community and it reminded me of the almost love that went into my life.
I was supposed to share this last month but since I was still quite busy, I never got the time to do so.
This story is about the almost love that came into my life.
I met this person last April, it was only one time. But we didn't lose contact and we continued messaging each other on telegram. We were in the same field but in two completely different worlds. He was bound to help the ill humans and I was bound to help the animals. He was a nursing student, I was a veterinary medicine student.
Two different individuals taking a completely different career from each other. The only similarity we had was we were both busy chasing our dreams.
One time when I messaged him, he was in a different mood. He told me that he is no longer playing games and wants to find someone who he can be in a romantic relationship with. I got overwhelmed and I didn't know how to react.
But afterward, I didn't know what happened to me but I was already trying to flirt with him. I knew he was a Swiftie (Taylor Swift fan) and I would send him memes about Taylor Swift.
He asked me again if I was willing to court him because he would give me a chance. And I responded, "I can't. I won't." These are the exact words that I told him. But right after I gave him an explanation.
I told him I can't and I won't because the words that my Mother told me when we were on the way home are still vivid to me. My Mom opened up the topic by asking if my gay friends are in a relationship and I said that they aren't. We are all single.
I wasn't expecting her response when I answered her question. She told me that I shouldn't have a boyfriend and that she will not allow me to have one. I didn't know what to do or how to react to what she said and so I kept silent until we arrived home.
I am not telling this for you guys to throw hate at my Mom. Because even I didn't know where she was coming from when she gave that statement. I just think sometimes that it is coming from a place of a mother's instinct that all she wanted was to protect me from the possible heartbreak that there will be or from people who will take advantage of me.
Although our country, the Philippines is starting and slowly accepting the LGBT+ community, there are just still people who choose hate over love.
Maybe some of you might say, why not proceed with that potential relationship and just not tell your Mom? My answer would be, I do not want to be selfish just for the sake of my own happiness. Because I personally do not want to be kept as a secret or kept someone a secret. It is just not right.
We stopped talking from that day forward. May be it's the right love but at the wrong timing. But it's okay if it's meant for me, it'll always come back. I am putting my trust in the universe.
If I am going to love someday, I want it to be pure and full of love and acceptance. And most importantly, coming from a place where I myself have already given myself from the lapses in my life. Before I enter into a relationship, I want to be mentally and financially stable and I know for sure that right now, I am not capable of doing that.
I am not in a rush with my life. Last month's protest and this photo that I stumbled upon on Twitter just reminded me of the love that I almost had and the love that I gave up.
Artwork from Twitter
Note: I do not claim ownership of any of the photos. Credits were given to the rightful owner.
