Hi @theoptimizer. Thank you for sharing your story in The Ink Well.
We have some tips for you. This story presents a conflict, as all good stories do, but it lacks a resolution, which is another key element of quality fiction. Fred does not overcome the challenges with the bully, his family does not find out or help him, and no one comes to his aid at school, which leaves the story feeling unfinished.
The Ink Well has some great resources in our catalog of fiction writing tips. In particular we recommend the following articles:
Also, please be sure to read The Ink Well community rules at the top of The Ink Well community home page. We expect everyone who publishes in The Ink Well to be an active member of our community. We ask every writer to read and comment on at least two other stories for each one published.
Good luck and keep writing.
RE: Odd Fred