Your piece was ambitious but needed more developmental depth.There is too much telling and not enough detailed story. We need more dramatisation and less summary of action. Your piece would also benefit from a light edit. In The Ink Well, we should all strive for quality submissions, and this includes taking the time to proofread and edit to catch grammatical inconsistencies and easy to fix spelling errors. Spend a bit of time on your next piece developing your characters and showing progression of the story through character interactions, dialogue, and sensory details.