Hi @kilvnrex. This is an interesting story. It would be so much more powerful with more dialogue. Notice how the one line of dialogue brings the story to life at the end:

“Brother, I forgive you”.

Dialogue helps us to "hear" the characters as we read the story, and to imagine them as real.

There are some great resources in our catalog of storytelling tips:

• Action, Dialogue and Narrative: The Dynamic Trio
• How to Write Dialogue in Fiction

Check them out!