this had to have been invented by some librarian who never got the books back.

Wow. That line alone shows the great fluency in your writing style here. You draw us into your fantasy. It is grotesque, and funny. One hopes, as one reads that it's not a dream, and one's hopes are rewarded.

This story really is great. You must have had a lot of fun writing it. Your imagination roamed free. the story is full of action and imagery. Fountain pens chasing the protagonist. A chair winking. Even the name of the town, Prose.

It is the most wonderful story. Thank you for writing it and sharing it with us.