RE: RE: WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN
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RE: WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN

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hi egboncass@egboncass. Your story is an enjoyable read. It grabs the the reader with its enticing hook and manages to retain the reader's interest to the end. There are, however, some breaks in logic that are not explained: It's not clear if Aisha is in a new relationship or whether she irresponsibly leaves her baby at home each day. It's also a little jarring that she has a child of that age (approximately a year old to be able to call out in that way) but she has only been gone a year. There is no mention of a child prior to this. If Dayo is the father, then surely he would have noticed she was pregnant before she ghosted him. Your story would also benefit from some editing using Google docs or Grammarly. Try to avoid the use of too many cliches and reduce the length of your sentences,as long sentences make for a reduction in readability.

Thank you for posting in The Ink Well.

@theinkwell: hi @egboncass. | Ecency