The piece ambles along very comfortably. As I read I was wondering where it was going. You do transmit mood very well. However, in order for this to be a true story, something has to happen. There is to some kind of conflict, or tension, some action at the center of the piece, even if that action is only psychological.

This is a very pleasant read. You can write. Jayna has created a bunch of writing tips. One of them deals with adding conflict. You'll find other tips here.

We love to have you writing with us and hope to see your considerable skills develop even more.

Have a great weekend!