Is this part of a larger piece? It's hard to make sense of this. We get an overall impression but even after two tries it still leaves us a bit perplexed.

Also, we have a standing rule about gore in stories. There certainly is a lot of blood in this one. Pain, and dripping blood. Not really suitable for the inkwell.

On the other hand, you really do express yourself well. While the story is a little confusing, and a little too gory, it is also is very well written. Great style. Impressive use of the English language.