What an imaginative story! Here's a tip for you: Consider adding some dialogue between your characters, as well as some action. When we leave these details out, it can make our stories feel robotic.

These are two important elements of quality fiction that can bring a story to life. You have done a very nice job with the narrative, but it would be even better if you told some of the story in action, and added meaningful dialogue. Here are a few resources for you:

• Action, Dialog and Narrative: The Dynamic Trio
• How to Write Dialogue in Fiction

Thank you for sharing your story with us, don't forget to engage with other members of the community as well!