hello @adese. You switch a fair bit between present and past tense and this is distracting. You also repeat the same phrase "on this fateful day," several times so it it loses it's impact for the reader. I would suggest that you use Grammarly to do an edit for grammar and punctuation and then reread your stories out loud and listen for things like repetitive phrasing and flow of the story. Try to develop your characters a bit more too. It's not that easy when you are working with minimum word count so bear that in mind going forward. You tell us a lot in this submission but don't show us much. Have a read through Show, Don't Tell an article in The Ink Well, and see if you can put into practice some of the lessons that you learn from it.