I promise, I am not miserable. Easily defeated, yes. Suffering a non curable excruciating chronic pain condition called CRPS, yes. But I am a very positive person for the most part. I have difficulties accomplishing the basics because of the previously mentioned and other limitations, but it doesn't stop me from trying.
The beauty of the extension continues to show itself so I cannot feel defeated anymore. There are so many benefits and I think you will all understand once the time comes closer and I can reveal the full thing to the world. Me and my soul sister have been working very hard and have to focus on the little steps instead of the grand picture. One step at a time, we will get to where we need to be and hopefully some of you will truly appreciate what we have are working towards.
This weekend was filled with laughter and Halloween spirit as I expected when having my step daughters in the house. We only had my youngest this weekend though, but it was still a lot of fun. She carved her pumpkin for the year and we did 'zombie makeup' for her. We made it look like she had a cut on her face and neck with a black eye. It was exciting for her to go to the grocery store with her father and try to scare people before telling them that it was ok, just makeup. Quite cute in my opinion :) I managed to get the house cleaned and even worked on my projects a bit.
This morning is quite intense for pain levels now that I am unable to medicate because of my work shift, so I am trying to push through with positive thoughts and intentions. The weekend was nice because there was little pressure, lots of opportunity to side track my mind with the various things to be done as a step mother and house wife. There was no need to go un-medicated and feel the full intensity of CRPS and my other pain conditions. I wasn't that miserable of a person to be around for once and it felt nice.
Not to mention, the power of homegrown marijuana this year seems to have been amplified because of it's legalities or something. I only needed to consume half of what I normally would and I felt 30 times better than I would if I smoked 10 grams in a day of the other stuff. My pain and physical symptoms were still there, but nowhere near what they have been. It was a relief.
But now, the pain is becoming quite intense and I feel my positive thought train might be derailed with reality.
So on that note, I am going to do my best to try to make today a great day with positive thinking. I'm going to do my best to be kind to my mind and hope that my anxiety and pain levels both go down a wee bit.
Positive thoughts,
-Kristen Sparkle
Day 204/365
Entry 93/183
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