I was going to write a bonus entry yesterday to discuss what happened on Monday, but I do have a very full plate right now with deadlines and projects. It's hard to get an extra minute for something, but things will simmer down soon.
So Monday morning, I was nervous for my doctors appointment because I wasn't sure how my body would react to more blocks and injections. My history with them are not the best, but I need to try something to slow the CRPS symptoms down. Plus, I have a ridiculous fear of needles. It's not good, but I try to deal with it so I can feel better.
We left for my appointment early enough to allow 10 minutes of waiting in the office to fill out paperwork. Problem is, I was a little stressed out in the morning and wasn't paying full attention on the drive. My husband took the exit for my old doctor in another town and we were unable to turn around for a bit. I called the clinic to let them know that I was going to be late, but I had missed my appointment for the day because the doctor is so booked. She will be flying in again towards the end of the month though, so I will be in then hopefully.
A part of me was relieved that I didn't have to go through the needles and potential bad side effects. A larger part of me was disappointed. There was no confirmation that the blocks or injections would give me comfort, but not receiving them was confirmation that I was stuck in this body still.
That sucks.
So I spent all of Monday on an emotional roller coaster and then had to explain my situation and luck to my boss Tuesday morning. I managed to stay for my entire 2.5 hour shift yesterday, which doesn't sound like a lot to most people but it is an INCREDIBLE challenge to be un-medicated for a walk to work and stay in a call center or 2.5 hours while dealing with CRPS, fibromyalgia, herniated discs and pinched nerves with scoliosis and try to talk with a smile on your face to please the customer. I feel like I'm falling apart, but I'm still trying and I still smile.
Today, it feels like it is going to snow outside and I cannot imagine my CRPS feet being contained in boots. Shoes for 5 minutes a day is torture enough and my fuzzy socks even leave pressure marks on me hours after they're removed. Walking in snow is what originally caused my CRPS too, so the anxiety in me is beyond what's necessary.
None the less, there are plenty of positives to think about if I remind myself to :) So that's what I'm going to continue to do so I can make the best of the present moment and enjoy it as the gift that it is.
Be kind to your mind everyone and make today a great day with positive thinking.
Positive thoughts,
-Kristen Sparkle
Day 220/365
Entry 100/185 !!!! <3
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