Powerful stuff. You paint a vivid picture with your words.
I had a week of pure denial a few weeks ago. I suppose it wasn't denial, so much as escapism. I knew that my world was probably going to melt around me... That I would probably come back from camping under the stars, and find that my empire had collapsed to rubble. But, I was tired of clawing my way out. I was ok with enjoying the fields of stars, the smell of trees, the clean air. Surprisingly, when I got back, the consequences were nowhere near as bad as I had expected -- the universe was saying "I can't hold this door open for you forever dude, get shit done." - and I fixed things. There's been a lot of clawing lately, but I suspect that I create these situations myself because I enjoy the feeling of having vanquished a foe. The feeling of having made the world a better place, whether it's my world, or the world at large. I call it "A superhero complex". And while I had some guilt floating around in the vacant corners of my brain, it felt good for a while to intentionally surf the waves of denial. It was a close call.

True story from 2 weeks ago.... the writing of it here, inspired by reading yours. If I had to write about a recent escape from a toxic person, that would have been more turbulent.... It was hard to spit the poison back up, because the mechanism that dispersed the poison turned on so many of my buttons.

Congrats on awakening.