Dismissing the truth had become my full-time job.
The more my reality became a living nightmare, the more desperately I’d cling to denial.
Things were not so bad, were they? Things could get better, couldn’t they?
Ignorance was bliss because staying asleep was the easy way out.
Awaking yourself to see things as they truly are is too bloody scary.
So day after day, you convince yourself that in time it’ll all be ok.
It doesn’t matter that the universe keeps on throwing signs your way.
Or that everyone around you feels that something isn’t right.
It doesn’t matter because your conviction that things aren’t as bad as they actually are is so deeply cemented into your mind.
Nothing can get through you when you’re intoxicated on the poison of delusion.
You don’t know what normality is because your lips have tasted dysfunction for so long.
Shoot me down, I may fall, but I’ll still climb back to your fucking knees so you can hurt me once again. At least I am worthy of your attention.
Seeing myself through your wicked eyes made me lose sense of who I thought I was. You’ve torn apart my sense of identity, sucked the last bit of sanity out of me, threw my self-esteem on fire, and flushed my begging for kindness down the toilet. I was desperate to love someone that couldn’t be loved.
I knew on some level that I was getting high on lies every day. Lies that I’d convince myself to believe. Lies which underlined my faith that everything was gonna work out in time. Until the reality that I’ve been desperately trying to avoid for all this time slammed me in the face. So hard. I was stuck with no choice but to face the truth once and for all.
Being aware that I was floating in a sea of madness wasn’t going to cut it this time. I had to be awakened. I had to break free from denial. I had to withdrawal from all the madness that I’d endured. But most of all, I had to regain sight of who I was. I finally had the courage to spit back the poison you’ve made me swallow for too long.