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theabsolute
@theabsolute
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Created
2016-07-27 03:29
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Communities
Wallet
theabsolute
punchline
3y
Sorry Buddy
Canadians when they see what it's like in New York:
$ 0.355
18
1
theabsolute
punchline
3y
Pretend that it never happened
When your teacher catches you cheating on the test
$ 0.393
18
theabsolute
punchline
3y
Have anis day
Getting in your car on the last day of school be like:
theabsolute
punchline
3y
Adding 60 then rounding up
When they know there is going to be a huge curve on the test (
theabsolute
punchline
3y
Need to raise the debt ceiling of my house
Trying to save money when those bills start rolling in
theabsolute
proofofbrain
3y
Finally
Your teacher, when you ask him what we are doing in class after the final exam: When you ask him what you can do to change your grade:
theabsolute
proofofbrain
3y
No, you can't finish it tomorrow
When the bell rings and you need all those tests back
theabsolute
proofofbrain
3y
And so it begins
Maybe you can go back in time and restart?
theabsolute
proofofbrain
3y
Spring Cleaning
When you set up a chore board with your spouse
theabsolute
punchline
3y
Straightening up
When guests come to visit so you have to quickly throw everything in the closet
theabsolute
punchline
3y
Scared Straight
When you tell your teacher that you weren't cheating on the test
theabsolute
punchline
3y
Feeling Drained
When you remember the original Super Mario movie and how terrible that was back in 1993 and think to yourself, "man, that movie really did suck 20 years ago" then you realize that was 30 years
theabsolute
punchline
3y
I'm not your buddy, guy!
When the advertising department decides it's time to replace the former mascot...
theabsolute
punchline
4y
Equal Rights
They want none of us left
theabsolute
punchline
4y
Gonna go far, kid!
When you're pumped from the speech your grandma tells you to boost your self-esteem. Okay, grandma! I'm going to jump right into it
theabsolute
punchline
4y
Every Friday
Kids lining up at the door when bell rings be like:
theabsolute
punchline
4y
Just winging it
Birds are becoming more brazen lately
theabsolute
punchline
4y
Didn't sin up for this
When your dog thinks he's going to the vet
theabsolute
punchline
4y
Advil and 3 bandaids? $5,000 please
Waiting around for healthcare in America be like: Why did the skeleton go to the hospital? To get a bone density test
theabsolute
punchline
4y
Superb Owl Puns
Why did the owl skip the super bowl? He was afraid of getting hooted off the field Why did the referee owl call a foul? He didn't like the prey Why did the Eagles go drinking after the Super Bowl? They
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