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theabsolute
@theabsolute
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2016-07-27 03:29
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Wallet
theabsolute
punchline
2023-06-10 04:49
Sorry Buddy
Canadians when they see what it's like in New York:
$ 0.355
18
1
theabsolute
punchline
2023-06-07 13:05
Pretend that it never happened
When your teacher catches you cheating on the test
$ 0.393
18
theabsolute
punchline
2023-06-01 12:20
Have anis day
Getting in your car on the last day of school be like:
theabsolute
punchline
2023-05-29 22:02
Adding 60 then rounding up
When they know there is going to be a huge curve on the test (
theabsolute
punchline
2023-05-25 22:11
Need to raise the debt ceiling of my house
Trying to save money when those bills start rolling in
theabsolute
proofofbrain
2023-05-23 01:11
Finally
Your teacher, when you ask him what we are doing in class after the final exam: When you ask him what you can do to change your grade:
theabsolute
proofofbrain
2023-05-20 16:56
No, you can't finish it tomorrow
When the bell rings and you need all those tests back
theabsolute
proofofbrain
2023-05-18 23:58
And so it begins
Maybe you can go back in time and restart?
theabsolute
proofofbrain
2023-05-06 19:07
Spring Cleaning
When you set up a chore board with your spouse
theabsolute
punchline
2023-04-23 13:16
Straightening up
When guests come to visit so you have to quickly throw everything in the closet
theabsolute
punchline
2023-04-18 00:09
Scared Straight
When you tell your teacher that you weren't cheating on the test
theabsolute
punchline
2023-04-10 05:58
Feeling Drained
When you remember the original Super Mario movie and how terrible that was back in 1993 and think to yourself, "man, that movie really did suck 20 years ago" then you realize that was 30 years
theabsolute
punchline
2023-03-30 05:58
I'm not your buddy, guy!
When the advertising department decides it's time to replace the former mascot...
theabsolute
punchline
2023-03-25 15:38
Equal Rights
They want none of us left
theabsolute
punchline
2023-03-19 22:44
Gonna go far, kid!
When you're pumped from the speech your grandma tells you to boost your self-esteem. Okay, grandma! I'm going to jump right into it
theabsolute
punchline
2023-03-15 22:50
Every Friday
Kids lining up at the door when bell rings be like:
theabsolute
punchline
2023-03-06 02:52
Just winging it
Birds are becoming more brazen lately
theabsolute
punchline
2023-02-24 22:39
Didn't sin up for this
When your dog thinks he's going to the vet
theabsolute
punchline
2023-02-18 05:42
Advil and 3 bandaids? $5,000 please
Waiting around for healthcare in America be like: Why did the skeleton go to the hospital? To get a bone density test
theabsolute
punchline
2023-02-12 19:56
Superb Owl Puns
Why did the owl skip the super bowl? He was afraid of getting hooted off the field Why did the referee owl call a foul? He didn't like the prey Why did the Eagles go drinking after the Super Bowl? They
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