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theabsolute
@theabsolute
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2016-07-27 03:29
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theabsolute
punchline
2022-06-12 00:51
Builds your immune system
Kids these days are so sheltered with their masks and hand sanitizer. Pic related of how kids used to live:
$ 4.647
40
4
theabsolute
punchline
2022-06-07 17:20
Breaking Bad
Honey, we are getting a nanny. I don't even want to hear it.
$ 1.251
29
1
theabsolute
punchline
2022-06-07 02:03
Not Enough Flair
When I am critical of the tags other people use in their posts
theabsolute
punchline
2022-06-04 02:45
Lemonade stand entrepreneur
When you explain to your kids that just because they have a lot of pennies in their piggy bank, it doesn't mean they have more money than you
theabsolute
punchline
2022-06-02 22:12
Disappearing faster than Luna
When that annoying relative tries to talk to you at the family reunion
theabsolute
punchline
2022-05-30 02:48
Double Entendre
It's going to be really awkward when my kid realizes the meaning to songs he hears on the radio. No, grandma doesn't have the "sweetest pie." That accolade apparently goes to Megan Thee Stallion.
theabsolute
punchline
2022-05-28 00:25
No Monkey Pox at the Docks
What I plan on doing with my three days off this weekend:
theabsolute
punchline
2022-05-24 15:23
Repent or Retention
Teachers announcing plans for final exam week:
theabsolute
punchline
2022-05-21 14:42
Reptilian Brain
Contrarian investors when they hear about a crash
theabsolute
punchline
2022-05-18 00:20
Sounds like a router IP address
I heard there is a new covid variant BA.2.12.1 they are thinking of giving it a scary name, but it wasn't catchy enough
theabsolute
punchline
2022-05-15 19:05
It's all TikToks
When a parent volunteers to substitute for the day
theabsolute
punchline
2022-05-13 11:51
Picture Day
When you spend way too much money for like 500 wallet size photos and they all look like this:
theabsolute
punchline
2022-05-10 22:58
Inflation infatuation
Can't wait until inflation reaches the point that we start rolling over on prices
theabsolute
punchline
2022-04-30 02:02
Power Wheels
Selling my crypto for an electric car. Meanwhile, my electric car:
theabsolute
punchline
2022-04-23 14:09
The more things change, the more they stay the same
When you see Netflix starting to roll out commercials, effectively becoming what everyone hated about tv.
theabsolute
punchline
2022-04-14 01:45
It's like an eternity in dog years
What your dog thinks when you've been gone for 2 hours
theabsolute
punchline
2022-04-12 04:04
Cat's got your tongue
Kids, when we show up to 1st period
theabsolute
punchline
2022-04-03 00:03
I know a guy...
I always wondered how they were able to repaint a car so quickly in Grand Theft Auto
theabsolute
punchline
2022-03-31 00:25
And the Award goes to...
theabsolute
punchline
2022-03-27 02:12
Green with Envy
Fanboys when Tim Cook announces the next Apple products are the same, but now you can get them in green
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