I need to take a selfie when I get my coffee. Can't help but get a mugshot

Oh crap. You're right

I guess that's looking on the bright side of Covid. Also makes being an introvert look like a smart health decision. Why didn't I have any friends over for my birthday? Covid

Ouch. If that was universally applied, half the kids in America would be in juvenile detention. She was on probation, but still

The robot waiters have really improved that restaurant. It now has the best servos.

I trained my robot to be a competitive bicyclist. I am about to send it to France to see if it can pass the Turing test. Hopefully he doesn't get another sexual harassment charge. Whenever he sees a nice

There were some punks lighting up by my house. They better be careful because I have a short fuse. I don't want to go off near them because I can be quite explosive

Glue traps are pretty cruel to mice. Humane traps work well, but if let free anywhere close to where you live they just find their way back

If you are daring, you could order a replacement screen kit from ebay and try to fix it yourself by watching a YouTube video on it. Not always worth it though. Definitely recommend a good xase and screen

Remember when cell phones used to be small? Now if the thing in your pants isn't bigger than 6 inches with 3D vibration then no one seems to want it. It's not the size that matters, it's how you use it.

It used to be annoying when I saw my pets hopped on the pool table and batting the balls everywhere. It was hard to constantly reorganize everything to start a game. It's okay now though, because my

The inmate looked into the mirror to get a close look of himself and after 20 years, finally accepted what he did. You could say, the con caved.

I really hope we can go back to normalcy, but the virus doesn't seem to be slowing down by then

LeBron James decided to stop by city hall to give the judge an autographed souvenir from his last game. He said, "the ball is now in your court."

!sbi status

The glass was very excited when they got their markings. Now they are graduated cylinders

Don't forget to wash your clothes after visiting that smoke shop. The smell is hard to get out because incense sticks

I was waiting for the 3 steps. So disappointed lol

Ham and eggs were good friends for a long time, but lately eggs been-a-dick