Taken from Times of India ---by Vinita Dawra Nangia
Caught in the debate between being strict or indulgent, most fathers don’t realize that all they need to do is be a positive role model!
One of my father’s most lovable qualities was that every time he tried to play the Dad, within minutes he would slip into the role of friend and guide. I remember him trying to scold me, but each time he saw my stricken face, he would start grinning. He never could scold us kids. And I loved that!
The truth was that just the thought of having upset him was all the punishment we needed. He never needed to go beyond, and it is a tribute to his sensitivity that he understood this! He would just brood for a while and then suggest what we needed to do for next time. In a way, he was much ahead of his time in playing his role as a father.
Trying to live up to my father’s expectations defines me to this day. I take pride in the qualities he admired in me, and strive to strengthen what he said were my weak links. And I know this is true for most people. At your proudest moments, don’t you imagine the pride on your father’s face? And at times of failure, don’t you cringe at the thought of the disappointment in Dad’s eyes?
That is the power a responsible, caring father can hold over his children – if he has the stature to set a good example by the way he leads his own life. A father’s only duty is not just to provide for his children materially or to maintain discipline in the house. A father’s most important duty is to lead by example.
Unlike earlier times, today the dividing lines between relationships are far more porous. Regimented discipline, providing, protecting or teaching are no longer solely a father’s domain. Nor is putting food on the table, taking care of health and hygiene or imparting values any longer just the mother’s responsibility. As more women step out to work, men are indeed stepping up to more parenting and household responsibilities.
However one of the worst things one is witnessing is ‘father-as-strict-disciplinarian-and-feared-parent’ turning into a ‘mushy-over-indulgent-adores-his-kids-to-death-Dad’! Neither definition is acceptable. If the over-strict father’s children turned out rebellious and unfeeling, the over-indulgent Dad’s offspring is bound to be selfish and uncaring.
What then is the best you can do as a father? I would say just be the best version of yourself. Ensure you live a good, honest life and are loving, understanding, flexible, forgiving and non-judgmental. Show your children your love for them and gently maneuver them onto the right path. Teach them values by example and ensure they follow the same. If you are a guy who ensures you are making the most of your potential and also doing the best you can do for others, then that is the life lesson you are teaching your children. If you don’t mind snitching and are not respectful of others, that’s what your children grow up thinking is the right attitude.
A child may respond negatively to being taught values from a pulpit, but will observe and imbibe lessons through the way you live your life.
And that I think is the father’s greatest responsibility towards his children — to lead his own life to the best of his ability and be the human being he wants his children to become!
