I'm currently on my 25th Wedding Anniversary vacation and after 4 days on a cruise I finally have internet again. Right now my son and wife are enjoying the gym so I'm taking a few minutes to write a post.
Now when we were actually celebrating our 25 years I had a few people comment on that being a milestone that not many achieve these days. My oldest son also asked, "What is the secret". Now my wife gave a longwinded answer. Being a Dad I had to throw in the typical Dad joke answer: How do you stay married so long? Simple. Just remember two words: "Yes Dear"
However, that is actually not the real answer. Caving in to your wife's every need and always succumbing to her every wish is an easy way to lose yourself and have a poor lifestyle. Every man should know what they stand for, what they want, who they are and what they want to become. Your wife married you, not some faithful robot!
But, there is the other side of the story. That side is this : "Once you say 'I DO' it is now US not ME"
Many people get married to find the one person that makes them happy. They want to find their soulmate. They want to find their forever friend and companion. However, if you are looking for 'the right person for ME' your focus is off'. Remember, its not ME it is WE.
Instead focus on what WE can accomplish together. How WE can overcome the obstacles of life. How WE can work together and support each other, making up for the others weaknesses. Someone that can SHARE in our joint successes and someone to lean on during the touch times.
Remember.... WE not ME.
Then after a few years of marriage (or less) children come in and complicate things. I heard it said that children have one mission in life : "To make easy things hard"
... honestly I believe that.
Still, many people have children because they think children are a key to happiness. Hahaha. Anyone who believes that is in trouble. For any sorry man who thinks a wife will make him happy and children will make him happier, WOW, he is in for a terrible shock.
Children make life tough. Really tough. They don't make your life easier. They make you sleep deprived, money deprived, sex deprived, and generally rob you of time to do fun things. Again if you are focused on ME you are finished,
Life became WE when marriage happens,
Life becomes US when children happen.
If you have learned about WE in marriage and US in family then you are on the right path to 25 years!
Assuming you made it as far as I did with having a wife and two children that means you are outnumbered. Yes I am me and have my wants and desires. Unfortunately I'm just one voice out of four. In that regard it means I often have to put protecting the other in the family before myself and serving their needs before my own. After all I'm in it for the whole family and I'm just a minority member.
What does that look like?
It means driving a basic car (Toyota Corolla) for 14 years so I have money to send my children to a nice school.
It means leaving my home country to work abroad to support my wife's tuition fees to finish her studies in nursing so she can follow her dream.
It means putting my life on hold while dealing with a teenager who is struggling with an issue that put his life in danger (he's much better now)....even if it meant telling my boss that I was going to cut my hours or even having me dismissed if he couldn't accept that.
There are so many little sacrifices every single day to make sure I look after those I love and care for. Sometimes its as simple as being the last one up to make sure everything is locked and all are safe in bed. Sometimes its being the first person up to make sure that everyone makes it to school on time.
Even today on vacation things happen.
Last night my youngest son wanted to spend time with friends he made on the cruise ship we were on. He stayed up with his friends until very VERY late night and didn't get back to his cabin until just a few scant hours before we had to leave the ship.
MY plan was to walk to a train station (25min) take a train to a nearby city (65min) then walk to the hotel (12min) for a cost of about $28 HBD. However, my younger son was dead tired. Yes, it was self inflicted but he was really tired. My wife hadn't slept well thinking about her son (sigh..mom's always worry even when their sons are now older). My older son as strong and ready to go but ate a LOT of food and was likely going to need a washroom somewhere in the middle of our journey. Now I hate spending more money. I'm really quite frugal. However, as I said its not ME it's US. So, time to break down and get a taxi for $180. It hurt to pay that much but my wife and son really needed sleep.
Sure I could get mad at my son for staying up so late. Sure I could tell my wife to just tough it out and start the less expensive route. If our finances were very tight I would probably have done just that! In this case though I just thought a bit and decided good memories were more important than a scolding for my son. A little rest was more important than a few dollars for my wife. Sure my new laptop will be a little delayed because of the expense.
But as I said...
.... the key to a long marriage is putting US before ME. I can wait and I think the family is happier today because of my choice.
Of course, feel free to leave a comment
Or tell me I've got it wrong 😁
I really do enjoy feedback and
Thanks for reading!
