I've been on vacation for almost two months now and at this exact moment I'm sitting in the Manila airport waiting for a flight to Indonesia. What am I thinking about right now? Well, since I just had to exchange a bunch of Canadian dollars into Indonesian Rupiah foreign currency transactions are top of mind. That and MonkeyPox as I just had to fill out a health questionnaire for the Indonesian government.
I'm tired from 2 months away from home. I'm dreading the heat and travel time to a new destination. Then I'm thinking that I setup additional stops in Malaysia, Singapore, Bali, and Japan. Maybe I totally made the wrong decision and maybe not. Life if full of decisions and right now one that is weighing on me is how to engage with some fellow passengers who are strong Trump / MAGA supporters...or should I even bother?
Now guess what? With Trump's Tariff's the Canadian dollar just isn't worth what it used to be. Also if you ask the American Minister of Health appointed by Trump I'm almost certain they don't believe in MonkeyPox, vaccinations or the need to find ways to avoid exposure and get rid of this plague.
Now if you ask me "Do I agree with Trump's new economic focus and new way of ruling America" I don't think my views would align with Mr. Trump's. In fact I've heard Mr. Trump say that Canada will be much better off if it was part of the United States. I used to live in the USA on a work VISA for almost 10 years. I know the benefits and drawbacks of both countries and know that I most certainly do NOT wish to be an American.
But what if I was confronted by a MAGA fan or Trump supporter who bought into the narrative that Canada will be better off being part of the United States?
How would I defend my desire to be Canadian against someone who firmly believes that a merger of Canada and the USA is the only fair way to move forward?
I had to confront someone. I hate trying to win an argument. I would much rather allow someone to hold their own views and do their own thing. Unfortunately sometimes there is a topic that I'm forced to engage with. So...Before engaging in a confrontation there are a few things I consider:
That the person I am talking to is a real person with real views
That the person I am talking to deserves respect
That a discourse about a disagreement isn't about winning and losing but rather sharing ideas
That some discussions aren't worth pursuing
That sometimes I may need to lose a battle in order to win a war.
Anger solves nothing
Now assuming I'm going to confront someone about "Canada needs to be part of America". My first thought would be to scoff and consider the person a moron. How could anyone hold that opinion? But here is something to consider: If you look at a person's thought process and knowledge base that person truly believes that his view is in the right. There may be false suppositions. There could be erroneous facts. There could be different upbringing or any number of other reasons why someone doesn't agree I had to understand that this person truly believes he is in the right just as I do. So, I have to be open to hear their logic so I can change if I am wrong. I can't do that if I start from a viewpoint of "This person is a moron".
Now if I'm having a discussion the person I'm talking with deserves the same respect that I do. I should listen carefully to their words. I should understand that just because they don't agree with me doesn't make them bad. I should understand that even if I don't agree we can still be friends and they can still be an awesome person. Starting off with the supposition that "they are the enemy" or "they are a moron" just gets in the way of meaningful discussion.
A lot of people focus so hard on "winning" that they forget to listen. They bombard someone with facts like they are hoping to bomb a target long enough to have them capitulate. However, if people feel they are being attacked they tend to shut down. If I listen carefully to their argument and weigh each piece of information with careful consideration then a couple of things happen. I can change my viewpoint if they make good arguments because I'm certainly not perfect. I can also ask questions about their viewpoints to try and see how it fits better. If I'm open then it also gives me an opportunity to present counterarguments not to shoot someone down but as a way to foster knowledge for both parties. It isn't a battle to be won but a discussion to learn. That changes how both sides interact.
I hate to say it but some discussions are so off point that giving them the light of day makes my brain hurt. As a Pharmacist I deal with people who are in the grip of addiction, mental disorder, and sometimes addled because of disease. I had one lady who wanted to spread love and joy in the world...and thought going to the homeless shelter and giving blow jobs to all the men there would make everyone happy. Another wore a tinfoil hat claiming that aliens were piping humor into his brain in order to combat "they greys". Another who claimed to be living their "best life" despite being in awful health due to methamphetamine abuse.
Those are real people with real views and yes the person deserves respect. However, in those cases they need treatment and health. A discussion and empathy is not going to prove anything and a fight just isn't worth pursuing.
I always have to keep the big picture in mind. With someone who is mentally ill it is far more important that I encourage them to get treatment than to try and win an argument that there aren't aliens out there forcing thoughts into their head. I need to focus on the end goal of helping the person far more than I need to be "right" that the aliens aren't really out to get them. That I need to help the addict get treatment rather than show them they aren't living their "best life".
Which is why as a father and husband. I choose when I argue with my children or wife. The goal is to raise functioning adults and have a happy wife. If that means I lose a battle or two in the short term to get to the long term goal? Well, I'll take the win that is important every time.
In my house when my wife gets mad her volume goes up. When the teenagers get mad their volume goes up. When I start hearing the shouting I understand that neither side is actually listening to anything other than the anger in their hearts. Once the ears stop listening then NO-ONE is going to win. A few deep breaths and making sure to think about the conditions I listed above go a long way towards disagreement resolution.
So I have to make a lot of decisions while I'm sitting here listening to things I really disagree with.
(a) Is it worthwhile to pick up this fight (err) discussion...
Maybe. But if they are truly locked into their view it could be a big waste of time.
(b) Am I able to treat this person with respect and give their views the time of day.
Maybe. I'm very adamant in my viewpoints but it could be interesting to hear theirs and why they hold the beliefs they do.
(c) Can I lose the battle but win someone over as a step towards winning the war?
Maybe. I can acknowledge that there would be benefits for Canada to join the USA but also show that we really don't want it.
In the end? Changing one voice in the grand scheme of things won't accomplish much other than making us both uncomfortable on the trip. However if I did? Rather than name calling and saying that "Trump is a !@#$@" or that "Trump supporters are !@#$!#@" perhaps hearing them out, listening to their arguments and beliefs while subtly telling them mine using language they understand....
"Sure having Canada and USA together as one could make a very strong country but...
.... if the USA does take us over you will be restricting the Freedom of 40 million Canadians who have already said they don't wish to be American. If you believe in Freedom doesn't that also apply to others who may or may not wish to join the USA?"
But at the end of the day every decision is unique. Each one requires consideration commensurate with the importance it has on a person's life. Deciding Coca-Cola or Pepsi changes little so needs little thought. Deciding when and how to interact with family and others has a much more profound effect and should be entered with careful consideration. The decision to visit 5 countries in 3 weeks... Seemed like a good idea at the time but...well, sometimes mistakes are made.
Thanks for reading and have a great day.**
and as a side note for the Hive Learners moderators. I honestly thought about the previous post prompt about winning arguments but ran out of time because of travelling. Now with the current prompt well, how about we call this one a two in one. Hope it still passes
