It seems to be a perennial favorite topic. Do the parents make the kid or are they molded by other factors? Perhaps it is someone trying to blame a child's behavior on bad parenting. Perhaps its a parent trying to blame their child's behavior on the environment in which they were raised. Of course the answer it always the same if you ask me.
How a child turns out if multifactorial. It is not just one thing it is a wide variety of things that determine how things workout for any individual.
Long essays have been written on this topic, however, I like to think of it in terms of music. Consider every persons like as if it were a song and lets use an analogy.
Think about it. What is on the radio where you live? Is it JPop? KPop? Rap? Jazz? Pop? or any number of other varieties. Living in Abbotsford its just as likely to be Indian in nature which has its very own distinct beat.
But why do I ask? Just as location has a bearing on what you listen and what is popular, location has a distinct effect on what your personality will become. If you are born Indian, Nigerian, Japanese, or Canadian there will be a distinct flavour to who you become. Of course it is never an absolute but people tend to conform with what is common in their area
I was a teenager in the 1980s. Guess what. My music taste tends to favor musical styles that were popular in the 1980's. My kids? They find it old fashioned and while they like some of it they identify far more with more recent music. Do some kids like music that is anachronistic? Of course, there is some beautiful classical music out there. There is some excellent Swing, Jazz, Big Band and classic Rock and Roll... but people born in different generations tend towards different music styles.
That also holds true for different personality traits. How often do I hear about Boomers and Gen-X having different values than Millenials, Gen-Z and Gen-Alpha. There are always outliers to be certain but people tend to be a product of the time in which they were born. Having smartphones made a generation very different than the one before, being digital natives with ubiquitous internet and social media changes entire generations.
If you want to play music you have to have a trainer. If you have a trainer who does strict classical music you will approach music far differently than if you have a trainer who was experimental with different sounds, rhythms, and techniques.
Parents are the trainers of the next generation. Good parents are like a good teacher. They can train up children who can function better and do more. Having said that...someone who doesn't care won't learn. Someone who truly desires to learn will find a way even if their teacher is awful. In the same way children can be advantaged or disadvantaged depending on who their parents are but the cream will always rise to the top....it may just take longer to get there.
It may seem obvious but different instruments are better suited for different songs. An accordian plays very different music than a piano which is very different than a guzheng. There is one song I have listened to on different instruments. Senbonzakura (its Japanese). I've heard it on violin, guzheng, guitar and others. Exactly the same song but each has its own distinct flavour and sound. Some instruments simply couldn't play the song... I mean trying to do it with Tubular bells? Hahaha... just not possible.
Every person is born with a different instrument. Some are multitalented much like a piano. Multiple notes, chores and able to do many many different tunes. Some are more like a recorder. Multiple notes but only one note at a time. Some are more limited still like a cymbal or bell. One sound, no notes and no chords. Each one is useful in its own way and for its own song. A piano can't imitate birdsong like a recorder. A recorder will never ring loud and true like a bell. People are just the same. Every one has their own skill and own limitation.
Guess what. If parents sing a different tune than their child they will have a hard time teaching the child. If the parents are a "Piano" and the kids are a "Bell" I'm sure that each would frustrate the other. Here is an interesting fact though.... In an orchestra every musician gets the same pay. Some musicians carry most of the music whether it is piano, woodwind, drums or something else. The person who clashes the cymbal may only play one note for the entire piece. They are all important for the overall piece and all get the same pay. In the same way...some people carry and do more, other do far less, but each has their part in the overall piece.
Today the Hive Learners asked about behaviors and are they learned or inherited. I had to shake my head. Some things are learned, some are inherited, some from the parents, from the time, some from the culture but every child and family is different. I think back to my best friend Jim when I was young. He has two educated, wealthy and loving parents. He was brilliant and outgoing. As for myself? My father left when I was young. My mother loved me but was busy working long hours to eke out a bare living. I am certain I was never bright as Jim and far less able to deal with people.
Who turned out better?
My friend caved to peer pressure and ended up with lifelong mental illness due to drug use. His parents loved him, gave him everything he needed and supported him well. My parents? Loved me, gave me some terrible advice, and couldn't give any support in my education. However, I fought hard and ended up in a much better place.
Then again.. someone else in my situation could have floundered horribly. Different instrument. Different song.
At least that is how I see it. Feel free to disagree and as always, I love getting comments. Thanks for taking a read.
