How young is too young?
When it comes to parenting these days it seems that every child is holding onto a cellphone. Indeed when I was in the Philippines I lived with a 4 year old who loved his phone very very much. In fact when he would play the same 5 second Youtube short over and over...
... and over again it drove me a little nuts and made me wonder "Is this kid nuts?"
Of course that brings up the question that many parents ask and many other parents judge others on. "How young is too young?". If you look at the question I raised "Do you give cellphones to babies?" my guess is that most of you will say "No, that's just too young". Are you sure about that though?
I'm going to make a suggestion:
You are asking the wrong question
The right question
I'm going to suggest that you could make an argument that babies NEED cellphones. I can almost hear the scoffing now.
However, consider this:
Music can be soothing for children and the right music may stimulate brain activity and be soothing at the same time. Cellphones make excellent programmable music players.
In addition to playing music cellphones also have cameras on them. With an app and a bit of time they can make excellent "Nanny Cams" so parent can keep an eye on the child while they are doing other tasks.
Now in response to that you might say "But in that case you aren't giving the phone to the baby" and you would be absolutely correct. I'm prepared to lose that argument because it still shows my true point. Which is:
People are asking the wrong question
It doesn't so much matter "When" children should be given cellphones but rather "Why" they are given cellphones.
If a baby is allowed a cellphone for music or monitoring it MIGHT be a good idea. Depends on the exact details. If they are given the cellphone as a teething toy that would be an exceedingly bad idea. The WHY matters
That doesn't just go for babies. You can ask the same question for pretty much ANY age group.
My children got their own cellphone complete with data plan when then they were 6 and 8 years old respectively. Arguably an age too young. However, if you ask me WHY I did it things become a lot clearer.
I was in a foreign country where kidnapping was a real risk. I gave them cellphones with data plans for one main reason: Tracking. With internet and tracking software installed I could find out where my children were if they were taken. Sure, there was the chance that they might have their phones taken from them but then again there was also a chance that the kidnappers would keep the phones so I'd at least have some sort of lead. I also showed them how to take pictures so they could bring back their own memories. What I didn't let them do was have the phone all the time as an unlimited and always available pacifier or nanny.
And that's a problem I see far too often these days. Parents are tired and don't want to deal with their children. No shame meant on the parents as life can be very challenging and when you are down to your last nerve and your child is acting out there might not be any energy left to deal with them. Unfortunately giving them a digital pacifier might work well for now....but when you actually DO want them to engage with family time, or school, you may find it hard to take away that screen.
And then they become teenagers
With children at least you are the boss and like it or not you can take the phone away. Once they become teenagers.
Good Luck
We live in a digital age and for many teenagers their phone is their life. A teenagers friends are EVERYTHING compared to parents. A phone is their way to connect with their friends and therefore the most important tool they have. If you think teenagers are horrible people....you haven't seen horrible until you take their phone away.
But social media and connecting with friends is a double edged sword. Sure it can be a great tool to keep in touch with friends. However, it is a tool which can make people feel inferior. A tool which can make them feel excluded. A tool which means they can get good and bad news at any on any day which can affect their sleep and mood each and every day.
13 seems to be the age where teenagers can get online and on social media. However, is it a good idea? But as I said before its the wrong question. The better question is "Why" are the teenagers on social media? Of course to keep in touch with their friends...but dig deeper. Are they using it to facilitate face to face interaction or replace it? Are they using it to try and get more "friends" and to feel "accepted" or to keep in touch with those friends they already have.
And I would ask those same questions to anyone of any age. As an adult are you using social media to find out what is happening with friends who have moved away or are you using it to doom scroll at 3am when you should be sleeping? The WHY makes a difference.
The important lesson my son learned with his cellphone
Honestly? One of the most important lessons my eldest son learned in life was from having a cellphone....and having me take it away.
When my son was a teenager he was a bit old for physical punishment. Spanking a teenager that is bigger and stronger than the parent isn't going to end well. Taking back a beloved cellphone is a much more effective punishment.
Until it isn't
One day when my son was being particularly awful his punishment was to lose his cellphone. I was both horrified and proud of his response. What did he tell me? He said "Dad, take away my cellphone, my computer, or anything else you think you need to. I learned something. If I don't care about them you lose all leverage over me".
Now that meant that disciplining my son was going to get a whole lot harder. It also meant that my son had learned that others can use all sorts of "hooks" to control others. Reject the hooks and you are free. I was so pleased that he learned that lesson early.
And social media is a hook to lure people. Cellphones have hooks everywhere to draw your attention. Those hooks can steal the life of the person holding it unless they learn something...reject the hooks to keep your life your own.
Parents. Think of the WHY when you give a screen to your child. If the WHY fits then no age is too young. If the WHY is because it is just too hard to parent a child or you don't have the time for them. Well, I'm going to say that is probably a bad answer. To any people out there who want to judge a parent for letting their child have a cellphone? Think twice. There may actually be a very good WHY hiding beneath it.
That's my take on today's Hive Learners prompt. Thanks for getting down this far and as always I love feedback both positive and negative.