Now if you ask people on the street most people will say they are not a sponge. It's a dumb question, right? Oh sure, a few people may say they are a sponge for knowledge, reading, learning or something like that. However, I'm thinking in a little different way.
Do you absorb the negativity of this world we live in.
Think about it. If you get cut off in traffic, how long does it take before you calm down? If you get scammed by a contractor, if you pay too much in the store, if the attendant takes too long to get to you, if an online order takes too long, if they get your order wrong at the restaurant....The list goes on and on for all the ways that this world can irritate you.
Now, how many people want to rant about it? How many people fume about their mistreatment, bad service, or whatever? I'm going to say it is a lot of people. What are they doing? They are absorbing the negativity of the world and holding on to it.
Do you know what happens if you take a full sponge and let it sit? It gets disgusting very quickly. Do you know what happens when you take a person and let them stew in the negativity this world throws at them? They become ... unpleasant ... or perhaps you can find a better word.
Let me ask again, are you.... or anyone you know... sponges for negativity? I'm going to guess you probably know at least one person and maybe a lot more.
Personally I find the best way to get rid of negativity is to just let it go. Forgive the person who cut you off in traffic. Don't worry about the fries that goes missed with your burger. Say "have a great day" (and mean it) to the person who is saying bad things about you. Generally just squeeze out the negativity so you can get on with having a good day.
Now some people think that forgiving others is a sign of weakness. Or they think it is about letting the other person off the hook. They think that it is letting bad people "win". For me? Forgiveness is about letting the bad feelings flow away and getting on with my life.
Now you may have heard the saying "Forgive and Forget". What a stupid saying! However, it is a saying that has been going around for a long time. I checked my Bible to make sure it wasn't in there and guess what. The Bible is all about forgiveness but it doesn't actually tell Christians to forgive and forget. Just to forgive other people...many times if necessary...but it doesn't tell us to forget.
The whole "Forgive and Forget thing" was a 16th century "chivalry" thing or part of being a gentleman.
I think it is foolish to forget though. Learn from others. Learn from their misdeeds. Learn how to deal with those people who are irritating. Learn to cast off their negative words or actions. Learn not to trust those people who have proven untrustworthy. Forgiveness means letting both people get on with their lives but it doesn't mean a carte blanche for the person in the wrong.
Forgiveness helps me.
Learning from others is the beginning of wisdom
Forgetting or not thinking about the others actions and how to do better in the future? That's just foolish.
Now I did say to learn and not forget. However, if I forgive someone that doesn't mean I bring it up again. That is especially true in a family situation.
I had two sons. Both of those sons were teenagers who were...unpleasant...at times. I have a broken closet door from when one kicked it in anger. I have a front door lock that doesn't work quite right from when one tried to bash in the door when we didn't open it fast enough. There are lots of little reminders of things that did not go well in the past.
I've forgiven those past misdeeds and indiscretions. I haven't forgotten them. Indeed I think back on them and smile at how far my sons have progressed in maturity and self control.
Do I bring them up though?
NO
....Mostly
You see in a family you can forgive someone but store away the wrong in the back of your mind to win a battle later. Drop the topic for now so you can bring it back up later as a weapon to win an argument.
But if you store up weapons that means that the home becomes a battlefield. There isn't going to be peace if other family members don't know when you are going to bring up old wrongs to beat them up. In that way I do "forget" the past misdeeds to maintain harmony and to keep peace.
Sometimes bringing up those past misdeeds is actually funny. Indeed recently we brought out a video of my son throwing a temper tantrum at the age of 17 about not getting McDonalds. He was the first to laugh at it and how stupid it was to get so worked up about something so small. Indeed when he watched it he cringed a little and apologized for being such a brat. We all smiled, laughed a bit, and praised him on how far he has come.
We didn't forget. We also didn't store up a weapon. We remembered the past and celebrated the progress.
At the end of the day?
Forgive so you don't carry around the anger, negativity and unpleasantness of grudges.
Learn from past errors. Both your own and others so you can become wise and avoid unpleasantness in the future.
Forgiving means not bring things up as weapons in the future. If you forgive let it be done and over so harmony can be easier going forward.
At least that's my take on things. If you have other ideas I would love to hear them. Feedback is awesome and thank you for reading this far.
