I have never wanted to become an anthropologist until approximately 24 hours ago. The moment I stumbled across a comment on Facebook claiming that among the Maasai in Kenya, if a husband comes home to find another man’s spear planted outside his house, he’s simply expected to respect the ongoing appointment and come back later. There and then, I suddenly discovered my life’s calling.
Research! I mean academic research, purely for educational purposes, of course. Imagine me, journal in hand, asking very serious questions while seated amongst the elders. My imagination is going wild already.
Now, before anyone starts typing essays in the comments, I know social media isn’t exactly the gold standard for anthropological evidence. I haven’t verified the claim, and that’s not even the point. The point is what the story represents. Because where I’m from, double standards have practically become a cultural artifact.
So a man cheats, you get comments like:
’Men will always be men.’
’At least he comes home to you.’
’As long as he contributes to paying the bills’
’Endure, marriage isn’t easy.’
It’s almost as if infidelity comes with an instruction manual that women are expected to memorize before going to the altar to say, I do.
My older sister and I were talking about this yesterday, and she casually made a comment that made me question the contents of her brain as I honestly felt like shaking her head, maybe to look out for rocks.
She said that as long as the man keeps coming home and continues providing for the family, the woman should simply turn a blind eye to anything else that seems treacherous.
I’m still recovering from that conversation. Never in my wildest imagination did I think she’d subscribe to that school of thought. I stared at her the way you’d stare at someone who just confessed that they enjoy drinking orange juice immediately after brushing their teeth.
Where did this reasoning come from? Because the advice doesn’t stop there as even mothers, from African descent(I don’t know of others) tell their daughters to endure. Fathers tell them there’s “nothing outside.” Aunties become relationship consultants with one recurring prescription of being patient and the most annoying “Don’t break your home.” Wtf do you mean I shouldn’t break my home?
It’s fascinating how society has managed to normalize one person’s betrayal while demanding unwavering loyalty from the other.
So when I read that comment about the Maasai, whether it’s entirely accurate or not, I laughed. Not because I suddenly support cheating, but because, for once, I encountered a story where the rules, if true, didn’t seem to be written exclusively for women.
The hypocrisy took a brief vacation and equality showed up, looked around, and screamed that everyone gets the same energy.
Would I actually move to Kenya over a Facebook comment? Probably not.
Would I happily apply for a fully funded PhD in Anthropology if it meant spending a few years there conducting field research? Let’s just say my passport has never looked more attractive.
Until then, I’ll remain here, patiently waiting for the day society stops treating faithfulness as a virtue women owe men, but a standard both people owe each other.
Because if we’re going to have rules, they should at least be playing for both teams.
