I was woken up by a flying roach this morning. Terrible creature. It terrified me so much that sleep immediately left my eyes. When I reached for my phone, it glared back at me with 2:00am in bold numbers. To make things worse, the air in my room was unbearably hot. The dry season in my country means no snow, no rain, just heat that clings to your skin, so I stepped outside.
The moment I did, I realized that 2am holds a kind of thick and honest silence that almost makes you think you’re slowly walking into another world. I reclined on my dad’s recliner, trashing fear immediately and letting that 2am high seep in. The world felt empty, but my mind was so wide awake. At this hour, there’s no traffic, no buzzing phone or voices competing for attention. It’s just the soulful or sometimes creepy hum of night creatures and the wind.
For real, at 2am, everything hits differently. I’ve experienced that it’s the hour when emotions you pushed aside all day begin stretching their limbs and reminding you they’re still there. The hour where the mind becomes both your friend and your enemy and where clarity and confusion sit side by side like twin flames.
2am is when you start understanding your feelings better than your daytime self ever does.
That was when I drafted this post, while revisiting memories I swore I was done with. I was admitting the truths I lied about days ago and forgiving myself for things I didn’t know I was holding onto.
There’s a boldness that only comes when the world is asleep and of course a gentleness too. This gentleness is the kind that makes you kinder to your own heart. I used to be so angry and terrified if I ever found myself awake at 2am so maybe thanks to that silly roach, I can say, I loved the quiet experience. The world had stepped back for me to have a moment with my unfiltered self. It was a messy experience but by the time I decided to go back inside, I felt healed.
The 2am feeling is real. I like to think it’s more real than anything the sun ever sees.
