I have seen hundreds of films in my lifetime, and over the years, I’ve noticed certain things they portray that are oddly different from the reality I know. Sometimes I watch these scenes and wonder whether I’m the strange one or perhaps filmmakers have collectively agreed to normalize things that the rest of us simply don’t question.
One of those things is the movie vomiting ritual where a character suddenly feels the urge to puke so they gasp, eyes widen and then they sprint dramatically to the bathroom, throw the toilet seat open, kneel down, place both arms firmly on either side of the toilet and plunge their entire head towards the bowl. And then they vomit. This happens every single time and I ask why? I genuinely don’t understand it.
Whenever one of those scenes comes up, I immediately reach for the fast-forward button because it irritates my soul. I mean what happened to the sink? If the kitchen sink is too hygienic for the job, fine. But surely the bathroom sink is right there, looking perfectly available. Because I don’t care how sparkling, disinfected, perfumed or blessed my toilet is, I cannot imagine bending over it with both arms spread across the seat and dipping my head into the bowl because I need to vomit. Absolutely not.
If I should even want to do that, I’ll be standing at a respectful distance, with my dignity intact. And then there are the scenes where someone does it in a public toilet, there you’ve lost me completely. Because a public toilet?
You’re telling me this person is already sick, their body is obviously rejecting something, and their immediate response is to put their face as close as possible to one of the most bacteria-infested surfaces known to mankind?
What happened to survival instincts? At this point I think I’m just too sensitive and maybe this isn’t that deep. Maybe normal people have been vomiting into toilet bowls this way since the beginning of civilization and I’m the odd one out. But honestly, I refuse to believe I’m alone in this.
Speaking of things I apparently underestimated, I used to believe I was practically immune to contagious illnesses. I don’t know where this confidence came from though. Perhaps I had simply gone so long without getting sick that I started believing my immune system was operating with superhero privileges.
Well, reality has rudely corrected me and I’m currently sick because my sister had the flu, sneezed around me, and I stayed in the same room with her for several days.
She obviously didn’t sneeze on me intentionally, and I could have left the room. But did I? I stayed, breathing the same air and sharing the same space basically giving the virus an invitation to my respiratory system.
Now look at me. My nose is running like an unlocked tap, my head hurts and my body feels like it has filed a formal complaint against me. And my little theory that I was somehow immune to contagious illnesses has been painfully shattered.
Perhaps my immune system isn’t weak at all. Maybe I simply encountered a virus my body hadn’t encountered in a while and lost that particular battle. Either way, I have learned my lesson that I am not invincible. Apparently, all it takes is one sneeze from someone you love and a few days of questionable proximity to humble you.
I absolutely hate being sick because it ruins my little ball of sunshine. Normally, I’m just existing in my own tiny world, finding things to laugh about, enjoying my day and generally being a happy little creature.
Now I feel like a starless night sky and everything is dull. Thankfully, I’ve seen a pharmacist and started taking the medication recommended for me, so I’m hoping my body gets its act together soon.
Until then, I’ll be here, nursing my flu, blowing my nose every five minutes and questioning the cinematography choices of every movie I’ve ever watched. And if I ever see another character enthusiastically dive face-first into a toilet bowl to vomit trust that I will fast-forward immediately. Some things are simply too unrealistic for me to endure.
