Let’s begin by clarifying, what exactly ego is? Ego is part of a personality; it is about identification with the self. Remarks like, “I am a successful business person” or “I am this or that, are indicators of your identity. There is nothing harmful with this identification of self with facts. The trouble brews when ego becomes unalterable. An individual begins to adopt an unbending belief about self. The ego then becomes a demon that resists and refuses change
Let’s begin by clarifying, what exactly ego is? Ego is part of a personality; it is about identification with the self. Remarks like, “I am a successful business person” or “I am this or that, are indicators of your identity. There is nothing harmful with this identification of self with facts. The trouble brews when ego becomes unalterable. An individual begins to adopt an unbending belief about self. The ego then becomes a demon that resists and refuses change.
Therefore, should we rid ourselves of ego? No, ego is inherent to each living soul. What matters is the nourishment we give to our egos. The very mention of the word “ego” conjures a negative connotation in the mind; it is incorrect to do so. Without ego, mankind will be a “boneless wonder”.
Against ego, the word “self-esteem” has positive allurements to it. Because we have by usage made ego look as a very bad trait to possess, the appellation of self-esteem is more acceptable. Self-esteem is about ‘confidence’ in one’s worth, skills and abilities. This faith about oneself leads to self-respect. In my assessment, an extremely firm view of one’s self–esteem is the pathway to becoming egoistic, in the negative sense. So the lines of delineation between ego and self-esteem are as fragile as parallel 38th on the Korean peninsula.
Self-esteem recognises real value. There is no cause for any hurt about who you are. Even having a Pinocchio nose would not cause embarrassment!
Ego and self-esteem together can subsist in an individual. In fact, it is ideal to possess ego and self-esteem, but these should not be in the same quantum. The less of former, and more of later.
Ego has the potential to be a friend or a foe. It is friendly only when it allows for development of positive attitude; when it enables adoption of change and when it permits, alteration to existing thoughts about oneself. An unharnessed ego has in-built carnivorous tendencies, hence mauls up its possessors over a period of time.
The presence of egotism creates egoistic behaviour patterns, whose final destination is self-centeredness. Hence when things are not in alliance, with your thinking the individual fails to maintain calm, peace and is unable to hold back, and the ability to absorb with no reaction gets to a dismal low.
At the traffic light, when you break the signal and are caught or when a security person insists on doing a physical body search, and you react and say, with disdain and spiteful behaviour, “do you know who I am?” The ego has taken over your future behaviour now. If the traffic warden or his security guard are conscientious about their role, then you can be assured of future trouble. At the office, these signs of elated levels of ego get exhibited by remarks like “do I deserve this?”, or “I deserve better then all others”.
To nurture feelings of self-importance is not bad but to do so at the point of one’s mis-held belief of being the best is a recipe for disaster. An attitude of looking down upon, people, inhibits the vision to see what’s up there?
Since self-importance denies a true evaluation, it is best to first delve and test waters, before the plunge. The beguiling mind says “you are the best”. I have witnessed managers who would use sarcasm to achieve the same end with remarks “I have been in the business for over 18 long years; so how does anyone expect me to know anything”. I am learning. These are all taunts. No such person learns. Such a boss is doing verbally, what he would want to physically do, ie punch in the face, if you inadvertently disturb his ego levels.
Ego serves like oxygen to the arrogant. A small recognition, a short appreciation and a time bound success of cake, can certainly motivate negatively towards, the ever growing plant of ego. Small minds, who occupy big offices, are always quick to befriend the demon of ego.
Egotism provokes delusions – between truth / right / wrong. Possessions are incorrectly viewed. The possession held is an incorrect opinion. More than one visit to “ego land” ensures disaster. An incorrect opinion about own self is far more dangerous than who knows the truth about oneself!
The menace of ego attacks those who wish to be taken to the precipice - from where they can facilitate themselves towards their need to jump over the cliff. A chip on the shoulder is the heaviest load a manager carries before his colleagues and he doesn’t feel or notice a clear case of illusory living. Nothing is more deceptive than delusions of being different, being important, being indispensable, etc. “Feasting on their own thoughts”, to borrow Plato’s words, is a pastime of the egotistical managers.
The arrogance of humility is slightly more difficult to handle than the presence of ego over the shop floor. If you find yourself being that vain person who loves to hear heaps of praises showered upon him by colleagues; if you find that every single information you receive, you react negatively, you lack empathy, you remain immune to feelings, expressed or otherwise, then I am sorry, dear readers, you need to treat yourself to a high potency drug of self-examination and evaluation. The possession of such traits, numbs and dulls, inherent goodness.
Too much of thinking about oneself leaves no time to cultivate any elements of modesty; for it is the presence of modesty in a person that helps rein in the demonic elements of arrogance and ego. Modesty hurts and pride feels no pain. In taming the ego, the first step is to discover your own self. If you can distinguish clearly your attitude on the scales of ego and self-esteem, you will be on track. If there is confusion, the likelihood is that you would be anchoring more on being egoistic. Do we need to rid ego? No. it is a necessity trait to possess. Do we need to harness it? Yes. Be a learner always. Meet everybody as your teacher, mentor and coach.
“He that is down needs fear no fall,
He that is low no pride,
He that is humble ever shall,
Have God to be his guide”
(John Bunyan in “The Pilgrim’s Progress”).
Don’t rid yourself of your ego. Just tame it, and that too, quite well.
