The last page was over.
A few of us failed to survive; others had given up on life. While some choose a different path and stray from the life they deserve, others still aimlessly wander and search for their calling.
Some people have a remarkable ability to hide their suffering; they laugh and smile despite it all in the hopes that one day they'll rediscover their genuine smile. Some of us avoid taking the "leap of faith" because we are still afraid and would rather stay in our comfort zones.
Some people lost numerous opportunities to start new careers, find love, or settle down in new environments because they reasoned that having a safety net in this uncertain life was preferable. Thus, they agree. Some of us still hope for a second chance, clinging to every avenue only to have reality repeatedly close it down.
Some aren't healthy enough to live long lives; they only hope to make it through each day. Even after achieving nearly everything, some people cry silently because they are empty inside.
I am that person—someone who quietly and gradually mends my brokenness.
No one is aware of my level of suffering this year.
I was hurting so bad that I was on the verge of giving up and losing myself. I am so proud of myself for making it this far; no one knows how many times I had to pull myself together this year to survive.
Everything turned upside down when my mother passed away last year; I was left not even knowing how to live my life. It kills me like crazy and hurts so much because it happens so abruptly and unexpectedly.
I had a lot of questions and what-ifs going through my head as each day went by. In addition to all the setbacks I've experienced, I'm gradually losing all of my self-assurance and opportunities in life.
However, December 2, 2023, was my mom's first birthday in heaven. It was so difficult for us to celebrate her birthday without her anymore, so I woke up crying and could barely stand. But I had to, so I got up and entered our living room to see her large picture. I cried uncontrollably and told her how much I missed her. I also asked her to support me in accepting everything and moving on with my life, saying that even if I lose everything, I still have faith that the best will prevail and that beautiful things will still come to pass.
On that same day, our former school head unexpectedly texted me in the late afternoon. He congratulated me then, so I was unaware and shocked. When I asked him about it, she informed me that my name was already on the list of teachers who had been promoted.
I was both happy and sad all at once. Though it was my mother's birthday, I received a gift from her. I'm crying so much at that moment. My mom knows I worked hard to earn this promotion, so it's important to me. She helped shape who I am today by being there for me and giving her all.
My year 2023's plot twist was, in fact, quite the roller coaster. Even though many terrible things happened, I still appreciate all the good things that happened to me and those who had faith in me.
I see 2023 as more than just a year. I met the strongest and the most broken version of myself this year. It turned into a platform for my dreams to meet reality. Even though I may not be able to fulfil them all, looking back on my experiences makes me realize that I am fulfilling one of my prayers. It was a year of growth for me. I have experienced losses and gained much knowledge; these events have tried my bravery and patience. I recalled each month; It was a fantastic experience that taught me a valuable lesson.
In light of everything I've been through and how close I came to giving up, I'm amazed I made it through this year. Despite my extensive suffering, I am appreciative of the lessons I was able to learn during that time. I am respectful of everyone who has helped me along the way this year. I want to cherish the people who remained in my life despite losing some of the ones I held in the highest regard. Never once will I want to take for granted what I still have because I lost someone or something.
I would never have imagined that this year would end with me feeling as emotional as I did; perhaps this is because, at some point in my life, I truly believed that I would never be able to get over the suffering and sadness I had endured in silence.
And even after everything I've been through this year, I would never want to forget the people who stayed by my side through my darkest moments and patiently prayed for me. I appreciate your kindness and patience with me. There are never enough words to say how much I value everything you do, even the little things, to lift my spirits when things aren't going well. When I was about to give up on myself, there were people I knew who never gave up on me. When I could not love myself, I witnessed many people loving me. And sometimes, seeing and feeling their love is enough to keep me going no matter how much pain I'm going through.
May this historical glimpse serve as a reminder that, even amid unmet expectations and unanswered prayers, a more remarkable story is being told that will bring us closer to the Promise Maker and our Promise Keeper.
Regardless of the state of your life at the moment, make the difficult decision to choose gratitude.
It's important to remember that your abundant life originates from a grateful heart, regardless of whether circumstances are favourable or not.
I swear to my Mama in Heaven that I will never give up on my dreams or ambitions. I will always include you in everything I do, and you will always be a part of me. I love you!