"I Say No"
"You have potentials for greatness and you have a good heart, but you may not get anywhere until you learn to say no when it is not convenient for you to do something." Those were the words of my lecturer some two years after I'd graduated. I had agreed to proofread her colleague's thesis but did not deliver on time. As a matter of fact, by the time I revert to the colleague, I've only gone through about 50 of the 90-page thesis. Why? I had loads of work I hardly slept at night. Why didn't I just say no? I was that guy that didn't want to disappoint anybody! Her colleague was pissed. She was pissed too, and I tried to explain to her, hence those words.
Since that incident, I would think carefully before accepting any task that is outside of my primary assignment. Sometimes, it is difficult for me to bring myself to say no, especially to people close to me, but the thought of their disappointment when I don't meet their expectations makes it easier to turn down a task or plea for assistance. The result is that even though there may be initial resentment when I turn down a task or request, I still get my deserved respect, my dignity is intact, I do not have to start rambling and giving some long-winded excuses for why I couldn't complete a task before the deadline.
I say yes to smiles
What does saying no do to me? There's peace. I am not stressing over something I know I won't be able to deliver on time. Also, my schedule is not disrupted frequently by unplanned tasks I have to accept simply because it is coming from a friend or family member. What about increased focus? When your attention is divided over several tasks, you tend not to be able to accomplish any, especially when you are constrained by time. If you have few tasks with defined deadlines, then you will effectively plan them out and execute with utmost focus.
Does this mean that everyone likes it when you say no, whether or not it is convenient for you? Absolutely NO! Remember the lecturer that said I might not get anywhere if I didn't learn to say no? Some time last year, she asked me to do something for her. First, it was a field I was not familiar with. Then, the deadline was very short. I told her I had a lot on my plate and may not be able to complete the work by the deadline, so it would be better if she took it elsewhere. Did she listen? No. She asked me to do what I could do by the deadline. I did what I could and she was not satisfied. A week later, she came again with another task related to the previous one. This time, I gave her an outright no. I'd rather not tell you what followed.
Say "no" when it is not convenient for you to do something. People may resent you, but you are not at their mercy in the first place. You are fine; they will be alright too.
