Today was a Daddy Daughter day and due to the copious amounts of rain, we ended up spending the time in a shopping center wandering around, looking at things we didn't buy and of course... hopping. 
I am not the kind of person who lives life vicariously through others and when it comes to raising my child, I have no intention of forcing her into the things I would have liked to have done. However... I do think that parents should be active in the shaping of their children in certain ways and encourage three core traits at least; curiosity, independence and resilience.
The reason for these is that the curiosity gives the impetus to explore their world and discover all kinds of things, including what their own interests and the impact their actions have on the others. Independence allows them to explore their world even if no one else is doing this in their peer group and, they can make decisions for themselves without having to rely on the decisions of the group for guidance. And this is why the last is so important, because life is filled with inevitable failures and having resiliency allows to recognize the attempt and withstand the pain of falling.
These things cycle throughout each other and support personal growth and while it is not always easy to watch a child fall, it is necessary for them to learn that it is also possible to get up and try again. I think that so far my wife and I have done a pretty good job of raising our daughter and I am hoping that it will benefit her later as she will likely have a set of skills that most other kids do not due to the differences in the starting point.
It is interesting that so many parents these days want what is best for their children, complain about other people's kids and then - want their own to fit in to the group. What they are failing to see is that their children will always fit into a group, it just might not be the group of peers in the school yard. While there is nothing wrong with fitting in at school, there is more to life than that and if one defines their future from that position, they are likely limiting their potential.
Peer groups have a great deal of influence over children and therefore affect life as an adult also. If a child is surrounded by the type of shallow, Instagram selfie obsessed, smartphone hugging group that worries about material impression over practical application - it is likely that a person that fits into that group will be similar. Is that what parents want? Wouldn't they want peers of their children to be accepting and encouraging so that their children can be their best?
How many children are filled with the curiosity to explore, the independence to make personal decisions and the resilience to take the flack from their peer group when the choices made go against the grain of the norm? How many children these days are compassionate enough to understand someone that doesn't do what others expect from them?
When I was a young teen I read a book by Khalil Gibran named, The Prophet, and this passage has always stuck with me:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
_Khalil Gibran
I think that it has guided me in the way that I have approached parenting as it reinforces a child as an independent and unique person. However, I also understand that my daughter is from me and carries traits that are similar to mine in some way and perhaps due to my own experience with dealing with myself, I can help her overcome herself faster and find hurdles earlier that I am yet to reach.
The goal of parenting is to raise children that are better than we, more capable than we are and when all do this, society as a whole improves. I do not think that burying children's noses into technology as a learning resource leads to building the personality traits necessary for a happy, healthy and successful life. And rather than a self-directed life, I believe that it will be one of reliance on many things, including protection from other's words as most do not carry the personal resilience to criticism required to live unharmed by the words of others.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
The screen feeds a passive stream of ideas that do not give the space nor encourage the taking of space to consider what is being taught, the lessons that are learned. Instead, it is a process of brainwashing with ideas that are handed down by those who will never have to live with the consequences of their actions. We do not know what the future holds and what our children will face, yet we teach our kids as if we are all-seeing.
Think about the state of the economy and the environment of today and recognize that we as adults are doing very little at a global level to improve the situation. What our children are going to inherit is likely a catastrophe of epic proportions and if they are to survive it, they better damn well have a better thought and action process than we ourselves have exhibited. I can't imagine a child who values passive entertainment over curious activity solving energy problems - though I could be wrong.
As I see it, we need a massive assortment of skills and we need people who are willing to think well outside of the norms and on the fringes of what we as a species have ever thought, yet we drive for mediocre and encourage fitting in to stop social friction. The problem with the path of least resistance can be that it is a narrow path, and it leads into a dead-end of massive resistance.
While some will say it is never too late, when brain patterns are developed in the early years of life, is this true? Perhaps as an adult the old dog will struggle to learn new tricks, but if the puppy learned the processes of learning, maybe new tricks are a subset of the old.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
I have made many mistakes in my life but, I do not tarry, I learn and move on. Whatever one might believe about their position in life, it is always changing, even when staying the same as while the feet might not move, the map of life on which they stand never stops.
We might want what is best for our children, but if we aren't improving ourselves and the environment they will live within, it is just wanting.
Taraz
[ a Steem original ]
