When I am tired and frustrated, I tend to make rash decisions that end up costing me down the track - I sell or buy, or more personally, say or do something that I know that under other circumstances I wouldn't. In some ways, it is kind of like being drunk or under the influence of something that lowers the thresholds for decision making, but it isn't liberating in my opinion, it is quite the opposite. I don't know when I will learn to identify this weakness before I make decisions, but it seems that it isn't anytime soon - though I am getting better at catching myself.
One of the problems in the world is that a lot of people believe they "know" the way they will react under various conditions, without ever having to face them or, facing them so rarely that when they must, they do not react the way they expected of themselves at all. I think crypto has been good for me in this regard, as the frequency of FUD and FOMO are so regular that it is easy to get practice in, though it is also very much a desensitization to amounts that "in real life" would make my eyes water.
Real life for me is living very basic by local standards and I live with inconvenience because I am far too worried about money to spend for something, even though I might need it. Often this leads to more inconvenience than I saved and generally, more cost, but a scarcity mindset it is a hard hurdle to surmount for me. For example, at the moment I know I need to get a new PC, but I don't want to buy a cheap replacement to make do, and I don't want to spend on an expensive one (build my own), even if it will last twice as long. My current one is 6 years old now and it is "time" for it to retire - yet I keep telling myself, "soon".
Fuck.
Soon.
Soon never comes, does it?
Or it comes too soon, depending on what is expected.
I don't know why I have such an issue with all of this, but one thing that crypto has made me very conscious of is the opportunity-cost of pretty much everything and as such, I tend to place a more tangible value on activity. It isn't actually tangible per se, it is just that there is more attention placed on it, which means a more aware evaluation takes place on pretty much all things. It is hard for me to sit through a mediocre film or show now, as I know that my time could be better spent doing almost anything else that I normally do.
Is this for better or worse?
Hard to say, but if the saying, "ignorance is bliss" is true, I am no longer ignorant to the value of my time and as such, its wastage is far more salient, making the impact on me a lot more than it was, I used to be able to sit around watching nonsense or gaming for dozens of hours a week without it even really registering as a waste. Now, that is impossible and even more "value adding" experiences have to run the gauntlet of are they valuable enough?
What I do know though, is that while this is a new challenge, I seem to prefer this than where I was in life earlier. Then, I was struggling to make ends met daily, yet felt I had no agency to make much of a difference in my outcomes. I felt far more out of control of my life in so many ways, but the things I could control, tended to be avoidance mechanisms. Funny, isn't it?
I couldn't control my financial wellbeing, but I could always find the time to waste on entertainment, the money to waste on drink and cigarettes, the energy to waste on people and topics that didn't improve my life at all, yet made me feel better. In so many ways, I am far better now than I felt back then, but at the same time, I feel worse too.
I suspect that this is somewhat related to the Dunning-Kruger effect;
The Dunning–Kruger effect is a hypothetical cognitive bias stating that people with low ability at a task overestimate their own ability, and that people with high ability at a task underestimate their own ability.
Ignorant and out of control me, felt better than far more knowledgeable (still an idiot) and better controlled me. It seems the more I experience and the better I get, the more I understand how out of control I actually am. Not just out of control of myself, but my world in general, as I seem to be far more sensitive to seeing all of the things that I can't affect directly.
In some ways, it is similar to buying a new car and suddenly seeing the same make and model everywhere. Participating in crypto has highlighted so many aspects of life that I had previously been blind to and suggested a wealth more that I am yet to scratch the surface of, that now, wherever I go, I see how much opportunity there is and, how little of it I am able to practically take. It is kind of stressful.
Even though I am doing okay in general, I am "painfully aware" of ho much value I am leaving on the table and that is part of the reason that when I am tired and frustrated, I act rashly. I have so many channels to choose from, so many potential paths to take, that I am constantly having to trim them down so that I have enough attention to spare. Before, I had so few, that I didn't really have to think about what to do, as my go-to path was the same, consume, avoid, ignore. So many things are very hard to ignore now, as they stick out out like a sore thumb.
I think that this is one of the reasons I should narrow my investments a lot, as I just can't keep up with them all, especially considering they are developing so fast in new ways. I am probably better off just consolidating into a handful that I can manage and, I have other people around me who are able to help manage it too. One of the massive benefits of Hive for me, as well as a few others (like Splinterlands) is that while I have to do some of my own research, I also have a group of friends are each doing their own too, meaning that we can pool information and approach and "invest together as individuals".
This doesn't mitigate the risk of the investments, but it does help that we each don't need to know everything all of the time and, we can build a very effective and valuable hub of friends who can shoot the shit on a million topics, and still help each other out to understand this tat or the other project.
Who we surround ourselves with matters a lot and I think that this is part of the problem I face in the walking world, as when it comes to crypto, which is a very important part of my life, I largely walk alone.
It is tiring and frustrating.
And then I make rash decisions.
Before I do - I should run it through the gauntlet of my peer group. Not because they know everything or I have to listen to what they say, but because I trust that their opinions come from a place where there is no jealousy or ulterior motive and they have my best interests at heart.
I think this is what is very important for us all to realize in the future. We are going to make more and more decisions for ourselves and have to take more responsibility and pay more in consequences. But, we needn't do it alone.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
