but as she grows and real school years start you will have more increased focus on her.

I think I feel this already, as it is around now that we will start looking at what kinds of activities she might be interested in taking part in.

I would suggest that when it comes time for smallsteps to step into the driver seat, that you let your wife do the teaching

No - I would like her to be a good and safe driver!!! ;D
It is really important here, based on all of the weather conditions, simlar to where you are.

and then the trips to collage to visit smallsteps, and the visits she will make to home.

This i am looking forward to. Not because she is gone, but because that distance makes the relationship the kind where she can choose to come back.

What do you think was the biggest change for you around this time of life (40ishes)?