My wife was away with friends last night, so looking after not my dog fell to me. The night went pretty well, as he slept through, but I am not a big fan of getting up before six on a Saturday. What is good about getting up early is that the days are much longer, with the problem being that I am much more tired. I am not an early morning person. Not even a mid-morning person if I can help it. It was a nice day though, spent with my daughter and the dog, so we drew some pictures together, watched a documentary on dinosaurs, and played some word games.
And took the dog out to do his business often.
I even made it to the gym after my wife came home in the afternoon, so I can't complain too much about the day. I have been trying to get to the gym every day for the last couple weeks, so missing a day, like last night, feels "bad". I am not pushing myself that hard most workouts though, with some days predominantly stretching, which I could do at home.
But I don't!
There is something about getting to the gym that makes it far easier to spend an hour and a half doing things, that I wouldn't do at home even if I could. I think it has something to do with sunk cost, where once at the gym there is a "well I'm here now" attitude that takes over, and once there, twenty minutes isn't enough to warrant the trip. If at home, it is far easier to not do anything and even if starting, not do as much or for as long as if at the gym.
I don't know anyone who consistently and effectively works out at home.
Consistency is the key to achieving pretty much anything in this life, as most things take multiple instances that build over time. While it is easy to see how something like being fit takes consistent effort including paying attention to diet, bad outcomes also take consistency. No one gets out of shape or fat overnight. It takes consistent effort, consistent choices to not do and to eat.
And of course, once in the habit, a lot of our actions become so natural, so automatic, that it feels like we are doing the right thing, even if we are doing the wrong thing. It is funny to think that feeling like doing the right thing for one person could be going to the gym for an hour, but for another, it is sitting on the couch with a bag of chips for an hour. However, I wonder if the aftermath feedback of doing the right thing is the same for each. I suspect that most people feel good after going to the gym, but can the same be said for the person eating junk food on the couch?
Sometimes perhaps.
But I suspect that when done consistently, it is paired with a negative reflective moment, not a positive one. So this means that the habit that feels so natural in that moment, is followed by a negative feeling in the next moment. It becomes a cyclical chain of emotions, with positives followed by negatives, which will often trigger the cycle to seek for positive again, which is something that is followed by negative.
A spiral that gets out of control pretty fast.
And it seems there is an asymmetry in creating a negative spiral compared to a positive spiral. There seem to be more emotional support on the negative side, which makes it harder to break than a positive habit. Especially in the early days of habit change. I reckon this ties into the "we feel losses more than gains" paradigm, but in this regard the feeling of loss triggers a pattern that will create more loss. We feel good when we do good things for ourselves, but often we then look to reward ourselves for doing good, as the goodness isn't enough to keep us going. And often, that reward is something that encourages more negative support.
I went to the gym five times this week, so I can eat a bag of chips, a box of chocolate and a litre of soda.
We don't tend to reward ourselves with what is actually good for us, it tends to be something that is negative, or that we don't need. Some people reward themselves with buying something new as a reward for their "good behaviour", but that again tends to create a loop that will end up costing more than it is worth.
Why do we need to be rewarded to act healthily?
It is kind of strange, isn't it? We want to be rewarded for doing things that make us stronger, faster, smarter, and more emotionally stable. The journey and the outcome of the action is not enough. But, we all work on incentive and for many, the incentive of the feeling of immediate reward is far more attractive than positive gains that compound over time. It is the incentive of instant versus delayed gratification, and even when we know it is not in our best interest long term, we will favour the instant reward over compounded future gain.
Obviously, this isn't just about going to the gym or eating healthily consistently, because the same mechanisms are in play for so much of our life conditions. We should realise that we want to be rewarded for doing the right thing, even though regardless, we should *do the right thing. But, we also don't want to have people highlight the wrong things we do, so we say "to each their own".
Another asymmetry.
People want to be recognised for the good, but not recognised for the bad. The problem is, the observation is there for both sides of the equation. I want my wife to sometimes say, it looks like the gym is improving you. But I don't want her to say, don't eat that second donut. Well, I do want her to say that too, but I also wish she wouldn't, or didn't have to. But as I see it, the people who support us the most aren't the ones that highlight our positives in the hope we do more of that, because while it is good, it is unlikely enough to break the negative patterns. Negatives need to be highlighted also, because often they are in the space of "comfort" that feels good due to the immediate gratification, or in default habits.
Of course, there are better and worse ways to provide feedback.
I focus too much on the negatives, because I think that is where most of the opportunity lays. The gains from getting rid of bad habits can be large, even if not replaced with good habits. Adding good habits on top of bad habits however, might not do much. Ideally of course, we would change the bad into good, delete the ones that we don't need, and add the many that would be beneficial.
If only it was all so easy.
Taraz
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