Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Well, I achieved a a lot of nothing today, as from morning to evening was spent driving Smallsteps across what felt like half the country so she can spend a few nights at a friend's cabin. Though that isn't the full story, because after driving the three hours home, I found out I had achieved one thing - her bag of clothes was still in the back of the car.
It is a daddy's job to double-check everything.
I was expecting some panic.
But I was surprised that Smallsteps was fine, though she did have some of her stuff and most importantly, her favourite soft toy dachshund, Naksu. No clothes, no toothbrush, no inhaler - but as long as her toy was there, all is fine. I gave a quick call to her cousin who is visiting tomorrow to drop into a a shop and pick up some essentials for her, so she doesn't have to go too long without a change of clothes.
Since my wife is out with her friends tonight, once home I took our real dachshund for a walk and finally have some time to myself to take care of a few tasks and write a little. It has been over nine years of writing daily and I think it would feel incredibly strange to miss a day now. It is not that it would just be disappointing to break a very long streak, but it really has become part of my daily process like brushing teeth or eating a meal. It has become more than habit, it has become fundamental.
I don't know if that is good or bad.
And I don't know where it all ends, but at least I feel that over the years I have taken a journey toward a more examined life. An unexamined life might not be worth living, but an examined life isn't necessarily much fun. In fact, I think there is more to the "ignorance is bliss" saying. And as long as it is possible to remain ignorant, you can always be in bliss. Of course, that level of increasing ignorance is impossible to maintain most likely, though many apparently are trying.
We can only live whilst awake.
Technically, we can live while asleep too, but when it comes to having agency, we have to be awake, aware, and conscious of what we are doing. We might not be able to control much, but we should be able to control some aspects of ourselves. But if we are ignorant, if we are asleep, is the control we have actually control, or an illusion? Yep, it might all be an illusion, but even considering that requires conscious effort.
At least from my own perspective, I think most of us are living much of our lives asleep, spending the little attention we can direct on thoughts, activities and situations that are rather meaningless. Not only meaningless in the grand scheme of the universe, but in our very own, individual lives. How much time we spend on things that don't actually matter to us, yet we put importance on them as if they are life and death? How much effort do we put into avoiding what is actually important?
What is important?
That might be a personal opinion when it comes to details, but there are likely some broad brush strokes that can be painted to cover the majority of us like, interpersonal connection, a sense of meaning and purpose, some level of security and a feeling of progression. Yet, how many of us are moving away from the very things that are important to humans in the quest for what is unimportant? How many of us are foregoing reality in the desire for illusion?
You? Me? Everyone?
At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if Smallsteps has all the things in her bag, because even without them, she has all the things she needs with her. She has food, some clothes, people who will look after her, and of course, Naksu the toy dog. And while I failed in my fatherly duty to double-check she had everything with her, I got her to the point where she is okay with not having it all and being happy with what she has.
That is something, isn't it?
Taraz
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