A friend of mine was visiting with his family yesterday, on their way through to their Christmas. They drop by every year to see the mother and us, where we exchange some gifts for the kids. Their schedule got messed up though, as the mother got pneumonia and was taken to emergency and then farmed out to a hospital for the night. No drama for us and par for the course for them, since the mother is 84 years of age.
And then this morning, another friend sent a message that their partner's mother passed away this morning. No surprise either considering they were in their late eighties, but they had planned a Christmas with the three, now two, surviving parents, knowing it would likely be the last opportunity.
Missed it by a day.
But what this should remind people is what I was talking about the other day in terms of holding onto traditions like food or decoration reducing the "spirit" of an event like Christmas. It is about family and togetherness, community building and remembrance of those gone - and a pledge to the future, and those to come.
Many seem to forget that the reason for tradition at all, isn't actually to remember the past for the sake of the past, it is about remembering the lessons of the past to take into the future. This is why traditions need to evolve over time, because the lessons from the past don't apply eternally into the future, because the conditions they were created in have changed also. But the tradition of building a family, building a community, and being a source of inspiration for the future - can be continual.
None of these things rely on a type of food, the colour of decorations, or whether the house is spotless. Building a society takes a diverse set of people, actions and a wide range of skills to make it robust for now, and flexible for the future. A community needs to adapt in order to solve the problems it will face in the unknown road ahead, because if it doesn't, it becomes increasingly irrelevant to the point of obsolescence.
The irony is that the more a community tries to stay the same, the faster it is going to be swallowed up by change in a way that is uncomfortable. Rather than embracing change as part of the natural order of societal evolution, change becomes a force that threatens the identity of the group members. And when threatened, the group will push back on the change, becoming increasingly agitated and violent, doubling-down on their efforts to stay the same.
We see this daily now.
Let go of traditions.
I know that so many people base their identity on some kind of tradition, but in so doing, they are also limiting themselves from change. They are putting a ceiling on their growth, because they are putting walls around their experience. We tell children to "try new things" when it comes to the things that we want them to do, but that quickly becomes keep doing the same once they have learned the traditions of how they should behave. A lot of the most terrible behaviour of humanity from the past and present, comes down to tradition.
Stop it.
But it is hard to change, because we tie ourselves to these habits, whether they be religious, cultural, family, or peer sourced. We keep on doing the same things, because we feel comfortable doing so, even as the world changes around us. And by the time we realise that the world has changed, we feel it is too late to do anything about it.
This is who I am.
It is funny, because from moment to moment, we are what we do, but what that also means is that because what we do can change, who we are can change along with it. Instead of limiting ourselves to what we have done, we should take the lessons we have learned from the past and improve ourselves now. Improvement is change. Always. It is inherent to the process. There is no improvement in staying the same, only stagnancy.
Losing loved ones can be very difficult, but it is also a natural part of life and I think a good reminder that things have to change. Life as we know it, and the universe as a whole, is a cycle of continual movement and that movement includes both the birth of new movements, and the death of old. We can learn from the old, but remembering them by continually doing the same thing they did, doesn't honour their life, it degrades their contribution to change.
They are part of the cycle of evolution, so it is our job to build upon their lives, not to relive what they have already done. It is our job to create and build, problem solve and develop, so that the present is continually better than the past, and future generations have the best opportunity to continue the evolution, not maintain our best practices. Because no matter how good or with what intention, best practices get out of sync with the needs of a changing world, very quickly.
Taraz
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