Have you ever been in love?
What does it feel like?
It seems like a pretty basic question that we should all be able to answer, but take a moment and really consider it a moment. Is it an actual feeling like pain or anger, or is it a behaviour or a bodily reaction? If looking at the dictionary, it would say something like a "deep feeling of affection", but is that all it is?
These days, it is one of the most overused words in English, because it has been reduced to being used to describe any kind of liking, whether it be a new haircut on a friend, or a half-decent burger. It might even be barely used for the intended purpose of loving a person these days, since at least for the younger generations, commitment is out of fashion, and it is probably seen as strange to tell a one-night-stand Tinder date that you love them.
Go on, try it.
But I wonder, do people know that different hormones are produced depending on whether it is early stage love and enduring love? It is pretty interesting I think.
Physiological indications of love include increased dopamine, norepinephrine, and stress hormones like cortisol, leading to a racing heart, sweaty palms, flushed cheeks, increased energy, and sleep and appetite changes due to the activation of the brain's reward system. Additionally, serotonin levels may decrease, contributing to obsessive thoughts and feelings. For long-term bonding, oxytocin and vasopressin are linked to a sense of security and commitment.
Do you notice anything?
I do.
The first set of hormones experienced in the early stages of love are reward and attention hormones, with dopamine the reward, norepinephrine attention and cortisol is for stress. While we might feel it in the early stages of love, we also feel it through other experiences, and it is these that the majority of the internet content is designed to trigger.
Interesting?
And, what is also something to consider is that serotonin levels might also decrease during that early phase of "falling" in love. And if you didn't know, serotonin is for our mood and other functions, and a drop is linked to depression.
And the last two... for the long-term lovers.
Oxytocin is key for men and women for sexual function and "also influences social behaviour, fostering bonding, trust, and empathy, and affecting processes like relationship formation, social recognition, and parental care." And vasopressin? Well, that is linked to defensive behaviours and "mate guarding" - and it affects men and women.
I don't know about you, but I think there might be a correlation between the way we "love" the content we consume and the lack of commitment. We don't actually love it enough to be in a monogamous relationship with it, which means we are always in the early-stage phase of the attraction, constantly edging the dopamine rewards and those that keep us paying attention and stresses, whilst also creating a state made for depression, without ever going into the long-term phase, that keeps us committed and functioning well. When people talk of a "lack of empathy" in the world today, they should consider it is hard to be truly empathetic if there is no bond, no commitment, and no affection for others.
We have evolved to be in this world together, yet we have designed our environment to increasingly spend our time alone, even when in the presence of others. It is "only natural" that the chemicals in our body that are triggered by particular evolutionary interactions are going to be disrupted when we do not experience those interactions, and it is also only natural that when we are missing certain hormones, we are going to behave differently.
Perhaps if we continue on down this path, we will eventually evolve to thrive alone and not need each other at all, but until then, we are likely going to just suffer due to the deficiencies we have created in ourselves.
Ready to go it alone?
Taraz
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