Today, as I sat in a roadhouse restaurant and wrote my 1500th post I was still paying attention to my surroundings, still keeping an eye on the comings and goings of customers and the groups as they did what they did. It is habit I guess and once upon a time I would sit in cafes and sketch when I had some time to myself.
There were several groups of teenagers and as expected, they did less interacting with each other and a lot of staring at their phones. I paused and watched several separate groups of guys, girls and mixed numbers and watched how they spoke to each other and, where they looked. There was almost zero eye contact.
Even when they were speaking directly to one another, it wasn't face to face or eye to eye, it was constantly looking over shoulders and away from the target. It didn't seem to matter whether they appeared to be in a light conversation or something deeper and from my vantage point, they might be mistaken for a stereotype on the autistic spectrum.
I was meeting my client for our session there out of his convenience and when he arrived we started speaking and for some reason, we discussed parenting and kids. H has two boys, an 18 and a 15 year old. He was saying that when he was that age relationships had something akin to 'going steady' where it became official but his sons only have just friends, no matter the actual relationship.
This is common among the teens and the early 20s these days but, what it actually is is a lack of commitment, a lack of willingness to be caged. No problems there at that age?
Now, his children didn't grow up with a smartphone in their hands due to their age yet, they are glued to the screens like so many of us. But, what about the one and two year olds sitting in trolleys with tablets an phones to keep them busy?
People seem to still take the view that these things are harmless because their intuition tells them that because they can handle it, the children will too. I am not so sure. Our personalities are largely set by the time we are 13 or so as are many of our behaviors and strategies for dealing with life. It is incredibly hard to fight against some of our learned habits from childhood even when we later recognize the harm they cause to us and others.
Poor diets, lack of exercise, consumptive behaviors, creative limitation, sedentary lifestyles, low interest, low practical skills, fast information... The list goes on but, it gets much worse.
The problem is that it is through this early socialization stage that we learn all about communication, understanding and how to act and emotionally deal with all kinds of interpersonal situations. It is how we learn to engage and most importantly, connect with other members of society.
Without learning these skills, we tend to struggle and the connections that are made are tenuous and often volatile and damaging. Add that to the lack of commitment and inability to deal with failure and it points to some future difficulties.
Just think how easy it is to find a date now. A few swipes and a partner can be found but, even if there is some kind of real interest taken, how does each person know that the other is suitable considering they have rarely even looked another human directly into the eyes? Does the guy understand the hair flicks and biting of the lip or, does the girl recognise the difference between flirting and being an asshole?
What will the future relationships be based upon when no one wants to feel trapped, the don't want to commit but, they want someone committed to them, they can't take criticism yet judge every detail and they do not want to fix, they want to replace. How can they live together in the long term?
Next, take a look around at the number of depressives these days, the people unhappy with their lives. The statistics in Finland is approximately one teen under 18 commits suicide every day. That is staggering isn't it?
But, the cause for most depression and the cure is social connection, intimacy where two people can share deeply. Sex is not intimacy. Sex is sex. Kids these days seem to be having plenty of sex yet, they do not seem to be sharing a lot of intimacy and even when they are together with their 'just a friend' they aren't maintaining eye contact and are continually looking over their shoulder, perhaps for something better.
We are living in a disconnected world where people are increasingly becoming isolated from others and the deep connections that last years, decades and lifetimes are no longer made with the same strength of bond as earlier. We are becoming strangers to each other, even with the people we consider our friends and lovers. And then, we wonder why society has issues and why communities are breaking apart.
What happens when these kids are in their thirties and forties and due to the endless and increasing stream of opportunity of partner, their is no need to ever invest into someone, get to know them at a deeper level than just under the sheets? What happens when they have their children? Is every home going to be broken or, will society adjust and be stronger?
I do not see strength in this future, I do not see a lack of connection between humans as a positive development that builds the compassion to see someone in need and offer a hand. I don't see that burying one's emotions behind entertainment and distraction is going to lead to a well adjusted individual nor a person who is willing to invest themselves into being a decent parent.
Right now we can see it here as so many apparently don't know what community really is and what kinds of commitment and work it takes to build one. They are short game players, one night stands and if given the opportunity, I do not think they could look someone in the eyes and develop the kinds of connections that last lifetimes.
The future is coming whether we like it or not but, I think there is going to be some very significant divisions made on several fronts. The ability to connect well will be one and the level of depression an increasing symptom of the failure to do so.
Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]
