Riya, my first love, my love. I first saw her 7 years ago today. At the beginning of Phagun , the spring of service, the flower of love bloomed in my heart. I loved her.
We studied in the same coaching class, in the same batch. He got admitted a few days after me.
I caught her attention on the first day, even though she wasn't particularly beautiful. But what a strange illusion she had. I was trapped in a web of illusion.
Slowly I noticed that he was completely absorbed in my feelings. He had merged into my existence. I don't know why he liked me, I just know that he liked me.
Riya lived a very simple life. A girl without makeup. In a word, she was extraordinarily simple. I never knew people could be so simple.
In the meantime, we were divided into two batches, my class was at 7 am, and Riya's class was at 5 pm, so we didn't meet every day, but I kept an eye on her. Nothing can be hidden from friends, and I couldn't hide it either. I got caught by my friends.
Suddenly, the S.S.C. exam came, and I was also busy with the exam. But I was busy with everything. In the words of the song, “For that girl, I have eaten and slept, but I am still alive because she is in this world.”
I didn't have the courage to tell him, my heart trembled with fear that I would lose the right to speak. The fear of losing him is very painful. And besides that, poverty stood in my way. I am the eldest child of a middle-class family. The responsibility of the entire family is on my shoulders.
If Riya gets involved with me, she will have to fight a tough battle. She will be lost from life for many days while arranging her family and life. Riya smile will become dirty. Her smile will be lost.
I knew that if Riya was by my side, if she held one of my hands, I could conquer the whole world with the other .I could bring all the happiness in the world under his feet. But I, who have always been selfish, I don't know why I couldn't be selfish .Maybe this is love. I couldn't accept that for me, for my happiness alone, the person I love would suffer. I discovered myself in a new way. Even though I knew that I was incomplete without him. I wouldn't get a moment's peace without him, still...
I thought I would never tell him about my love. I would be his friend, sharing his joys and sorrows. In between, the exams were over, and I moved house.
He got admitted to Kushtia Goverment College after getting a Golden A+ and I to Kushtia Police Line College. I used to come to see him every day after my college. It takes about 30 minute to reach her college from my college. Although I never met her. I was so engrossed in her love that I didn't even notice anyone else's existence. Even though I knew 2-3 of my college friends, I didn't give any girl any importance.
A close friend of Riya's told her bad things about me. Since that boy was her friend, Riya believed him. I was not even given a chance to defend myself. Anyway, I felt bad when I saw Riya. I knew in advance that I wouldn't get Riya, but now I've become a bad person in her eyes. Now I can't explain to her why I didn't tell her about my love. I was punished for no fault of my own, I lost her even though I loved her.
My time was not going well then, the person I had loved for so many years misunderstood me, my love of 8 years was lost to the words of one person. My will to live was gone, there were days when I took 5-6 sleeping pills .At that time, one day I found an old friend, Monika , on Facebook. It became important to share my troubles with someone. So I couldn't find anyone better than Monika . Monika also listened to me for a long time and with compassion. I needed a support .So, unknowingly, I proved the song "Love came once in my life" wrong and fell in love with Monika . Just as a drowning person wants to survive by clinging to leaves, I also wanted to survive by clinging to Monika .Everything was going well, we were talking as friends. Slowly the day of my operation was approaching and I was also starting to feel a weakness for Monika . Thus the day of my operation arrived. Lying on the OT bed, I kept thinking about Monika , if only she had been by my side, if only she had held my hand, as long as I was conscious I prayed for Monika , not for my own life to be extended. Before I closed my eyes, I felt Monika standing next to me, smiling. After the operation, I started my normal life again. I noticed a change in Monika . One day, suddenly, unable to control myself, I told Monika that I loved her. But I was not happy, I found out that she had become someone else…….. One day she dresses up in a red saree, just like I wanted. But it's not for me, it's to go to someone else's house. She won't know how much I love her!!! I don't want to see that scene. I want death to touch me before she becomes someone else's. I don't have the strength to see her in someone else's embrace. Whether she loves me or not, I will continue to love her, no matter how much pain it takes.
I want to say to him, I love you, I love you, I love you so much Just remember this, Wherever you go, be well………..
