Hello, parents and everyone else who is interested to read about what one mom goes through every day or in general. Let's take a break from movie reviews and cooking, and do some much-needed introspection.

It's a tricky subject we are going to cover today, especially because I can feel the mom guilt creeping in today, like every day, but more. Why do you ask?

Source

Before we can talk about why today especially, I wanted to touch upon the term in general, so you can understand it better. Maybe some mother will read it and feel better, or maybe someone will understand how becoming a mother changes your core believes and everything else.

Mom guilt

Before I had my baby boy, I was pretty independent. I was alone, thinking only of myself and my needs for more than thirty years. Then, after short nine months of amazing and easy pregnancy and after even easier delivery, here comes a bundle of joy. It was literally a bundle since they wrap babies so tight in the hospital, I saw his hands after three days.

Source

That little bundle was such a good baby from the start, eating right away and sleeping. While in hospital, surrounded by nurses and doctors (I intentionally put nurses first, because they were amazing and way more kind and helpful), I thought

"Having a baby is easy, all they do is sleep and eat!"

Mind you, he was not in the room with me, so I didn't even change his diapers in the first few days. Oh, how naïve I was. The moment we came home, and I was so happy to be home, everything changed. In a matter of minutes, I realized that my selfish 30 something but is now responsible for another human being.

Source

It was overwhelming. Yes, as a mother you are practically designed to do that, BUT that doesn't make it any easier. I soon realized that no one can help me or my baby, except me. No matter how much support you have, and it's better to have it, at the end of the day, especially during the night you are on your own.

I came to terms with the situation, not with ease, I have to say, because I am a perfectionist and controlling person. It's like I needed this little bundle to teach me to be more flexible and to learn to let go of perfectionism. But, just as I learned to take a deep breath and calm down when needed, one more feeling emerged its ugly face - mom guilt

You may wonder, what is there to feel guilty about. Ha! Let me, for laughs, make a shortlist of things I felt guilty about:

• I felt, since he nursed, that it's up to me to produce enough milk, and even worse if he was crying I would beat myself up because it had to be a lack of milk and hunger.
• If he was sleeping alone in his crib, I felt guilty for doing anything like eating, taking a shower, or having a 5 minutes break for coffee. That's why I spent every minute of cleaning because I wouldn't feel guilty.
• I felt guilty if anyone else took care of him (it was just his father and me) even for a second.
• I felt bad if he as an older child watched TV so I could go to the bathroom.
• I felt guilty if he played by himself, and he loved it, he is that type of a kid.
• I felt guilty if I didn't have time to prepare homemade food for him and gave him a store-bought one instead.

The list goes on and on, to this day. But, did the feeling of guilt made me a better mother, no. Did it change anything, no? The only thing that changed was my mood, for the worse. And there we see a key to this entire blog. My mood affected my baby's mood. Babies have this amazing empathy and feel everything you never imagined possible.

The moment I realized that all he needed is a happy and safe mother, was the moment I ditched the mom guilt. It was not serving me or my baby, it was just bringing us down. Yes, you have bad and good days, but on the worst days, all they really need is you. Not a perfect house, not all laundry clean, just you in your best mood possible.

Mom guilt is born with the baby and I am pretty sure it will follow me for the rest of my life. I see it now as a good thing, reminding me that he is loved and cared for. Every time I feel that is taking too much space and chipping away on my self-confidence, I take a break and look at it from a different angle. Is he happy, healthy, and safe? Yes! You are doing an amazing job.

Source

Be sure to encourage a mother, even when you don't understand her. And while we are at it, call your mother if you can, just to let her know that she is great and the best mother for you!

With love,
Tamara