Some days I feel like I'm in a never ending hamster wheel, once in a while I may find my way out but not for long..back in I go- I am a wife, mother & a bartender, just to name a few titles I carry. I seem to focus most of my energy on being a mother, making sure everything is done for my kids daily & all their needs met & exceeded, I then focus on things that have to be done in my home to maintain a family, my husband falls into all of this with me even though he does not see it that way anymore, he feels I have completely disconnected from him after being together since I was 16 and now I am 34, that is far from the case, my priorities have changed- just as his have. We focus more on what we have to do instead of what we would enjoy doing, we make it through each day and feel a little accomplishment at the end just for surviving it, we no longer are able to make time to do all the things we used to love so much because those things have been replaced with new things we actually love even more, but at the same time I am starting to see how marriages fall apart, when you have a life, responsibility, children, a home to maintain as well as jobs and relationships, it is tiring and it does wear you down where we give our best to everyone else and the one we love gets what is left at the end of the day and that is generally not much- I try to plan new things to find ways out of the mundane routine we are stuck in but it's mich harder to do than it seems to outsiders looking in..or even a husband who thinks you can just make it happen, life gets hard, it is how well we strive to make it the best we can, It is the little things we do to show we care amd it is the memories we make along the way- I don't want us to be a cookie cutter family that never makes our way outside the box, I want so much more for us than I can express but what I want and what ends up happening are two different things because at the end of the day everything still has to be done and life continues on, I suffer from anxiety & try not to let it affect my day to day..he does not understand it becasuse he does not have it..so to him It is all in my head..maybe but either way it still sucks and does not make things any easier, I know I put all my energy into my family & into making a better life for us- at times I may be the only one seeing it but I have came to the realization that,that is not what matters- it just matters that I see it and continue to make the best of everything, reading this you probably would not guess I am a positive person, actually I am a rather happy, upbeat, outgoing, loving individual- my thoughts just carry me away sometimes..such is life
