I expect a lot, I do, even though I shouldn’t. It’s not materialistic stuff; I never take gifts, even it’s hard for me to accept them. But I can’t help but put up a variety of range of expectations towards people and well, I get disappointed. Do I stop there? I should but I rarely do; I keep hoping that things may change and someday I’ll be surprised, which hasn’t taken place yet.
Early morning, rise and shine as expected, or so she thought. She got cheerful when she saw a sky covered in white marshmallow-like clouds; she never gets psyched about sunny days. “This is going to be a good day” expecting much? She was glad and looking forward to the day. As scheduled, she met up with her friends in the canteen to grab a bite. In the first lecture, she got dumped with lengthy homework, not unhappy. But after a quiz, a pop quiz, and another assignment she just seemed lost. By the time she got home from college, she was worn out and her neurons felt like jumbled up short-circuited wires. She thought “this day couldn’t get any worse.” And halfheartedly she was walking towards her room; finally, the day is over and she can take a break. When she opened her door, something unsuspecting happened; a nicely wrapped gift was waiting patiently on her bed.
Never expect, never disappointed; it’s easier said than done. Not everyone can leave behind the illusions and enchantments of everything that life has to offer and be a Tibetan monk to spend the rest of the days in tranquility. I don’t even think about being a monk; I guess I don’t want to be parted from hopes and despair. If I start piling up the things that disheartened me, it will be plenty; and the times I have let down other people isn’t meager either. When at times someone tells you that “You can’t see me happy. You’re my enemy” and that person happens to be someone you deeply care about, it wounds you. What pains you more is that “someone” knows it was wrong to say it and a big lie; but once expressed, can’t be taken aback.
Never lose faith in humanity, but doesn’t that opens up the door for expectation and disappointment? By the looks of it, they both are the two sides of a coin; flip it and you may not get what you’re looking for, a 50-50 chance. Life sums up all of it; death is the destination. Does it matter if your heart stays unbroken when you're dying?