It's time for me to start writing again.
I have barely written anything in the past few months and I have been feeling quite rusty. Too rusty if I may add. I try to focus more on fiction and/or other genres and not too much on blogs, but now I feel as if I need to clear my head from all the junk that's clogging my mind. This reminds me of a scene from Spirited Away when a river spirit came to the bathhouse due to the enormous filth that covered it - the scene just popped up in my mind. Nevermind.
Honestly, the days just passed me by all blurry. I wake up groggily and go to work where I tire myself out and then come home to gobble up some food and eventually fall asleep. Work - Eat - Sleep - Repeat. That has been my routine for the past 4 months or so - not to mention my 3-month long flu that just remedied recently. Overall, everything has been draining me mentally, physically, wholely.
I sat down to write something last week and thought it'd turn out well. But being away from it all has made me feel like I can't write at all. This gives me a feeling when I started writing just a few years ago. Unlike many, I hadn't been writing for decades and before Hive, all I had written are essays during school. I was learning and I still am learning. For the time being, I had to focus on a job that I have no wish to continue. It's not like changing my job will do me any good since I hate desk jobs altogether. But I'm not going to mull over it. The conclusion is that I'm way too exhausted, mentally and physically, and it has been affecting my writing abilities. And if I leave it to finish any other day, I forget what I was supposed to write.
They say it's like riding a bike; once you learn, you can't unlearn - what about those who don't know how to ride a bike? Safe to say, I'll try to start writing again and whatever I can manage. You know it's hard to please oneself, we're our worst critics and I criticize myself too much - my writing is never up to par. Mostly because what I was picturing in my mind and what I end up writing are vastly different and rarely up to my expectations - it'd leave me disheartened. That has prompted my "stop" at writing as well - I have been failing to exceed my own expectations.
These days my brain matter feels extra fuzzy and neither I can rest nor I can think properly - all I can do is, do my work mindlessly. And this has been my routine. In a fuzzy state of mind, doing anything seems like a chore - but now all my thoughts are junk. But I need to clear things out and the best way to do it is to pour the junk into the empty pages.
It's time to start again.
