My sister and I were polar opposites, she could go to the refrigerator and no matter what she had to work with she could return with the best sandwich you ever ate in your life, I on the other hand am surprised my kids even survived my cooking. Basically because she led a more protected life in foster care as I was the second one to come home from foster care in the long line of six kids, my younger brother was first because no one could tolerate him. My mom's mother died when she was young so she never had anyone to instill those mother daughter propensities so she in return didn't know how. Despite my sisters dark side, such as, say, one of her sons didn't wash all the folks clean she'd stand over him and force him to eat spaghetti with his fingers type of darkness, she took them to family vacations all across the country, encouraged them to do fundraisers so they all went to France in an exchange program and as I mentioned secured them a home in a good neighborhood with an excellent school district. She was never one to just hand them anything, they had to earn it. I on the other hand lived my missed childhood through my kids and it's taken them a lot longer to mature as a result of it.

She was guy crazy, always craving the attention of men, I was totally opposite her, I had guy friends versus having a lot of girl friends, but they were friends. In other words I was always like one of the guys. That actually may have hurt my perception of men as they always hung out at my house and I heard a lot of "guy" stuff when it came to their relationships. I wasn't as trusting as she always way. When she met her husband she was a stripper at his family owned strip bar, they've owned that business here for decades but somehow she was never good enough for them. Go figure. She married him she quit stripping, quit smoking, drinking, etc., and they went on to a nice lifestyle, they were the type that had to have everything. When their marriage fell apart she literally, well after she came to grips with it, threw everything out the door, filed for bankruptcy, moved the kids to an apartment complex then slowly rebuilt her life on her own, despite all her little nasty moments, and if you could take them all away, she was an incredible woman for doing what she had managed to do. So when she died it was really hard to balance all that in perspective because of course as I explained I experienced a lot of her nasty moments in life myself. It wasn't just the division she drove between my mom and me but it was costly things like the time my parents got in a bad accident and got a settlement, there was a substantial amount of money paid out to all the people and their relatives who were impacted as a result of those injuries, she talked my mom into letting her sign my name on the papers that I relinquished my share of the settlement so she could have more. You know though there are just some bonds you can't break in this life, as she was sheltered away all her life in foster care I took the blunt of living the longest in an abusive environment and trying to shelter my brothers from my moms abuse which later came back to bite my mom in a series of tragic events that unfolded over the years, I was always the rescuer, not just during the times of protecting my younger siblings but during all those tragic events being called upon because they considered me to be the one with the most common sense and I'd know what to do. That happened that day my parents got in that accident, I had to travel several hours there and was meant at the hospital my doctors and nurses whom my sister told them horror stories of conflict between them and I. They said I could see my step dad but my mom wouldn't come out of it and they were more leery, they led me to my step dad and as soon as I entered the room he immediately started giving me instructions of who I needed to call, what I needed to do because he knew, he knew from years and years of calling me to the scene of whatever happened I'd know how to handle it. It was quite different then how my sister had described it might be. The doctor then took me aside and said we really need your mom to come out of it, she was in pretty bad shape, her best friend died sitting next to her, they couldn't get her to come around, they said they were willing to take a chance to see if I could get her to pull out of it, the only thing they asked was if it didn't work out to walk out and to not mention the death of her friend yet. I walked into the room, standing over her bed I said "mom" and she immediately grabbed onto my arm and wouldn't let go, she started mumbling my step dads name and I told her he was okay, she asked about her friends and I told her they were also. The doctors and nurses were amazed at the response. I didn't get upset my sister told them a bunch of stuff, that was just all stuff she instigated in the first place, it was meaningless basically except to her. Despite the bonds that can't be broken my mom is still like that to this day, she never misses my sister's kids birthdays, or holidays or the one niece of mine who has kids all their birthdays but if you ask her she couldn't even tell you what month my kids were born in. It is what it grew to be but when my mom is feeling alone and neglected I am the first one she comes crying to. Between my mom and me it's like the shoe's on are the wrong foot, I am more a mother to her than she is to me. There was only one thing I'd never tolerate her calling me and crying about and that's the calls she'd get from my brothers, she never wanted to acknowledge the abuse and that was the biggest contentious point between her and me for years. She accused me of never wanting to stick up for her, finally I told her just tell them you are sorry, just admit what you did and I will forever stand behind because that is all that you can do and then and only then will I tell them the same and they need to accept that. She did it, I defend her to this day.

For my sister to have to have lost everything in end and go back to being a middle aged stripper online, well, after everything she had done I can't say I was disappointed, I just walked away with more trophies. But now I look at all those trophies and I reflect upon her life and like I said it's been a difficult balancing act trying to put it all into it's own little perspectives. On one hand you want to admire all her accomplishments without letting all those bad moments mire the moments, if you take those moments out she was one exceptional woman for doing what she did on her own.