Hi everyone today I am feeling so blessed by everything my whole life just seems to be turning to Gold my kids are bonding more with me my misses and I have a love for each other like you wouldn't believe and you guys just top it all off by being a Community of caring, Loving and thoughtful people.
I am going to go back in time a little bit to my LAST "fall of the wagon" I seriously thought my life was done I had lost the Love of my life I had lost my Two Babies and I had made my family lose our home which was absolutely beautiful by the way.
My little Girl Poppy a night time would sleep on my chest and the bond this created was so beautiful nothing was coming in between that bond or at least that what I prayed for. My little boy was only 3 months old at this stage (when Courtney left), so he was oblivious that something wasn't right with Daddy and Mummy was very worried about him.
I was so selfish I thought I was mentally strong enough to beat it without the support of a Psychiatrist or something I was wrong I was physically strong enough but mentally no way near. Even though I had the best supportive most beautiful woman in the world and two gorgeous babies, an awesome job and a beautiful home this wasn't enough to sort out my mental issues in fact I think I put a bit too much pressure on myself too quickly. Even though my love for my family is like nothing I have ever felt an addiction is an addiction it doesn't mean I choose the drugs over my family no way did I do that I just lost control and turned to the only solution which I knew at the time and that was to get shit faced.
I knew that I had to sort out my life not only for me but for my family too Courtney has never done any type of Drug she is my perfect woman and she has given me two beautiful babies and if I were to have lost them for good I don't think I would of hear today writing this Blog. I would have been in a very bad way by now or I would have been dead and that would have been so f-in selfish of me.
I had a call from my Drug worker yesterday shes actually new and it's the first time I have spoken to her my old one left while lockdown was happening. So in that call, she said to me "Danny I know when people are bullshitting me saying they haven't used I can hear it in their voice but with you, I don't you are actually telling me the truth" she then went on and told me how proud she was to have me on her books and said I will be her best success story. I have to pick up my medication each day as it is a controlled substance but also in the call I was told I only have to go once per week I can bring it all home with me this is a massive achievement for me and it makes me so proud of myself my mum will be looking down from heaven with a proud as punch smile on her face (my guardian angel and my strength)
Every single day that goes by I wake up with a renewed strength to achieve my goals I actually have an interview today for a position as a Social Media Manager for a new company that's launching online and if I get the job I will be paid a set wage but also a share of the profits the company makes it's an incentive to do better.
My babies are bonding with me again Courtney can't get enough of me and want us to have another child shortly (when I am mentally better) my life is looking up in so many ways and that is due to my mindset you guys help me with that as well but I have put things in place to never let me think negative crap that's not true. Anyone that doubts me or try to bring me down I use that strength to prove them wrong and block them haha.
Seriously though my life has never looked so good to other people we must come across as the perfect little family and you know why that is because we're :) Obviously, we have our off days and no family is 100% perfect but we are giving it a damn good shot at being and we are doing an amazing job at it. I love my life and love my little family so much that I don't know what I would do without them.
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