Have you ever heard of Pastafarianism? It is actually the fastest-growing carbohydrate-based religion of the 21st century. The Pastafarian's belief in the flying Spaghetti monster the deity of the church of the flying spaghetti monster (I am not shitting you) no offence to any Pastafarians that may be reading this but that is hilarious and it gets better.
Pastafarianism takes a light-hearted view on religion and opposes the teachings of intelligent design and creationism in public schools. It seems that the religion first came to press in 2005 when Bobby Henderson wrote a letter to protest against the Kansas State Board of educations decision to teach intelligent design in public schools. In the letter, Henderson demanded equal time in classrooms for "flying spaghetti monsterism alongside intelligent design evolution.
They even have a Holy book it's called "the gospel of the flying spaghetti monster" you seriously need to read it you can do so HERE I think you will actually piss yourself with laughter.
The Gospel begins with the creation of the universe by an invisible and undetectable Holy Flying Spaghetti Monster. On the first day, the Flying Spaghetti Monster separated the water from the heavens; on the second, because He could not tread water for long and had grown tired of flying, He created the land complemented by a beer volcano.
Satisfied, the Flying Spaghetti Monster overindulged in beer from the beer volcano and woke up hungover. Between drunken nights and clumsy afternoons, the Flying Spaghetti Monster produced seas and land (for a second time, accidentally, because he forgot that he created it the day before) along with Heaven and a "midget", which he named Man. Man and an equally short woman lived happily in the Olive Garden of Eden for some time until the Flying Spaghetti Monster caused a global flood in a cooking accident
In July 2011, Austrian pastafarian Niko Alm won the legal right to be shown in his driving license photo wearing a pasta strainer on his head, after three years spent pursuing permission and obtaining an examination certifying that he was psychologically fit to drive. He got the idea after reading that Austrian regulations allow headgear in official photos only when it is worn for religious reasons.
The 8 I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts
I’d really rather you didn’t act like a sanctimonious, holier-than-thou ass when describing my Noodly Goodness. If some people don’t believe in me, that’s okay. Really, I’m not that vain. Besides, this isn’t about them so don’t change the subject.
I’d really rather you didn’t use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don’t require sacrifices and purity is for drinking water, not people.
I’d really rather you didn’t judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this in your thick heads: woman = person. Man = person. Samey-samey. One is not better than the other unless we’re talking about fashion and I’m sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
I’d really rather you didn’t indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age and mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is go f*** yourself unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go for a walk for a change.
I’d really rather you didn’t challenge the bigoted, misogynist, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the b******.
I’d really rather you didn’t build multimillion-dollar churches/temples / mosques/shrines to my Noodly Goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
a. Ending poverty
b. Curing diseases
c. Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable
I might be a complex carbohydrate omniscient being, but I enjoy the simple things in life. I ought to know. I am the creator.
I’d really rather you didn’t go around telling people I talk to you. You’re not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can’t you take a hint?
I’d really rather you didn’t do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/lass Vegas. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of mike, wear a condom! Honestly, it’s a piece of rubber. If I didn’t want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes or something.
I hope you have enjoyed my post on the flying spaghetti monster and if you would like to do some research of your own check it out Pastafarianism you will be absolutely creased up with laughter what a laugh a bit of light-hearted fun.
