Do you still grieve the death of a loved one after many years had passed? Because I do, every single day. Reading other people's journey of grieving validated what I was going through-that it was normal to feel what you feel. I think it was so insensitive to say to someone to move on during the wake. I just gave them a blank stare.
It's been three years and my mama must be proud that I'm still here surviving despite the trials and boredom of everyday life. Though I wish she's still here so I would have someone to share the joys of my life and give those who have wronged me a taste of their own medicine. But I guess she could better protect me from up there. I know she takes care of the things I can't see.
Mama's third anniversary was two months ago. The weather was rainy but we're lucky it was only cloudy when we went to the cemetery. We opted to enter through the back entrance because the front entrance was surely flooded.
We passed by this river which surprised me to see that they're doing a land expansion. I think narrowing the path of river water will again bring a negative effect to the city's flood problem.
The back entrance of the cemetery is still under construction. There's very little progress done since we've began visiting here back in 2022. The path is muddy and my brother was a bit worried that the wheels of the car would get stuck. However, the workers on the area assured that it was passable.
As you can see here, the water level of the pond is just almost the same as the road being constructed. I fear that by the time this road is finished, the flood and high tide level would catch up to the level of the road.
So we made it inside the cemetery after a seemingly off road experience. I put the pot of flowers on my mama's grave. I'm glad the flower shop had flower pots with pink flowers.
Then we set up the chairs and tables. Next, I placed the foods on the table but before I opened the containers, I always make sure that mama's food and drinks were already arranged on her grave. My brother is always in-charge of lighting the candle because aside from it's hot, he has a technique to light candle especially when it's windy.
The foods I made for mama's third anniversary were Swedish Meatballs, Churros, and Matcha Cheesecake. I love them all except that the filling I made for the churros was too liquid.
Meanwhile, here's what on mama's food container. Three Swedish meatballs, one churro, and a slice of matcha cheesecake. The cheesecake looked melted because I placed it out of the fridge while waiting for my brother to fetch me at home.
The sauce I made for the Swedish meatballs looked darker because I didn't remove the burnt fats of the meatballs I fried on the pan. I'll show a better presentation of this dish on my next posts! I chose to make this dish for the anniversary because my brother still haven't tasted this dish.
Then the churros. The first and last time I made one was about ten years ago and it was burnt and didn't look nice so I tried it again this time with better tools and a better recipe.
I also made a white chocolate filling to make the churros taste more delicious. However, the sauce wasn't thick enough that it leaked through some of the churros which didn't have perfectly sealed bottom.
And last but not the least, the matcha cheesecake. Well, it's good but I'd still prefer the blueberry cheesecake.
While we were eating, a cat came meowing. It must've smelled our foods because it was pointing its nose towards our table and mama's food. There are lots of cats on this cemetery and I'm happy that they allow cats to roam around but they can be a nuisance sometimes because they can't control their hunger and feast on mama's food while we're still around. However, there are also cats who wait until we leave the premises.
After praying for our mother and talking to our sister, we packed our things and left the cemetery. Here you can see how muddy the path was because of the drizzle. The workers were also continuously working on the side. How I really wish this road gets done soon because it's a huge hassle for visitors.
I wonder how my mama is. I hope she's okay and happy. Home is never the same without a mother. I miss hearing her footsteps in the morning and the smell of the foods she cooks and how she sweetly calls me when it's time to eat while proudly enumerating the dishes she made. Or how her face lits up when I tell her a place we would visit. Or stories of her vast life experiences.
I miss her everyday and I hope to meet her again someday when the right time comes.
