TribeSteemUp's Bi-weekly Question: What Empowers You?

What? Me? That surely can't be all!

At least that was my reaction when I first confronted this radical notion. So what about the Rothschilds? And all these ignorant people around me? What about my messed-up upbringing (it wasn't so bad, really)? Most of all, what about the horrible circumstances that we're all victims of? Can we just ignore all of that? --- Why, you can't?

Okay, there may not have to be a reason to ignore everything around you. But it's good to be aware that all these external influences are just that: influences. They can have an effect on you, but don't necessarily need to. After all, it's up to us what things we let affect us, and how. After all, we're in control of our mind. Actually, that may be the only thing we can truly control.

Dealing With External Factors

Okay, so let's say you've had not the best day: First your partner yelled at you for some stupid reason, then someone cut you off in traffic, and even gave you the finger. Finally, when you arrived at work this dude had the audacity to actually say: "Looks like you're having a bad day." --No, Really??? From then on it just kept going downhill, but I think you can fill in the rest.

How could this happen? Why does one bad thing literally lead to the next one? Could it be that you're the one doing it?

Before letting the victim inside of you scream about how unfair things are, and how you're just reacting, I'd take a moment to breathe, calm down, and try to see the whole situation from above / outside / a step away. This way it should become apparent that the things happening around you are only partially the reason why you're feeling bad. The other part is your reaction to them. In fact, it's this second part that actually hurts!

Now there is only so much we can do to fight the external factors. In our example you could take on a full-blown early morning argument with your partner, wrecking both your days before it even starts. Or, you could opt out of the fight, but dwell on it long enough to not pay attention and be cut off in traffic. Once again, you could force the rude driver off the road and make sure to cut off their cursed middle-finger (and see where that gets you). But even if you don't, the frustration is going to give your co-worker a reason to mention the obvious. Haha!

Or, you could stop thinking about what your partner said, forget about the driver (who may not even show you their finger if you don't give them a reason to cut you off), and if your co-worker still mentions your day, you can still smile and say how wonderful you feel.

For real? Are you fooling yourself? Or are you trying to fool me?

Actually, the way I have been feeling a lot lately (and sometimes even posting about it), you'd think I'm being sarcastic at the very least. In fact, I could easily think that about myself, brushing it all off the table of seriousness. The truth is, I am not! Because this is not just some nifty method to deal with external factors you can barely control. This is about taking charge over your life, assuming full responsibility, basically getting in power over yourself, and indirectly over the rest of the world.

The only way to come up with a reasonable strategy to overcome difficulties is by not being on the defensive.

Sure, things affect us. But if all we do is react to them, we're never going to get out of the hole. Certainly, only escaping the world, trying no not let it affect us is only part of the way. Then we still have to make decisions to ensure that they won't be coming to bother us any more. But we can only do that with a clear mind, with neutral emotions, and a state where we are truly in control.

Yes, sometimes it's best to let a client go, if taking them on would create too many problems. Sometimes it's best to call in sick at work, to have time to iron out emerging issues with your partner, if that seems to be the case. And in certain situations our nosy co-worker needs to hear the bitter truth: "No dude, I'm actually having quite a crap day! But since you're not my therapist, your asking about it is not helping the least bit, so kindly go away and mind your own business." But none of these things can be done with a head that's about to explode, even telling off our co-worker elegantly. This is the reason, by the way, why most retorts only occur to us in the retrospective.

So in these cases I generally recommend distancing yourself from the rest of the world for a few minutes, and maybe sing a little song... Ah, I can almost hear the choppy guitar rifs before Tim Armstrong's weird voice comes in: Hey little sister, do you know what time it was...