Of course, my pleasure (for real, not just a nice phrase). As for the encouragement, I feel it is you and your post that feels encouraging to read, how you are facing a quite formidable situation. All I do is applaud your effort.

This time of the year is good for these kinds of reflections anyway, as it is a good way to start the year with a blank slate. Though I believe those 1.5 seconds started long before it came to this violent culmination...

If you haven't been alone, that is most of the time for an extended period, you're in for a trip, for certain! After you go through the usual spectrum of feelings, from boredom to worry, you will realize that you are never really alone, you can't be. Especially out in nature, you'll see how things start talking to you, and they don't tell you bullshit either.