The rain was falling at an incredible rate in those last few days, and it seems to me as if it didn’t even plan to stop until the sky cried out on us last drop of tears. The days did not become so different from the night, they were distinguished only by the human habit of things functioning during the day and resting at night. In recent days, it seems to me that this was no longer the rule. Wet, tired and confused, I returned home by slippery sidewalk covered with already rotten yellow-red chestnut leaves. Days like this made me more confused than any other. I tried to remember my day, partly as a mental exercise for myself - so that my everyday life does not become too much of a routine, although it is very difficult to deal with it.
Of course, I remembered all sorts of details, but the monotony of the job I was doing didn't help me in my attempts to stay on the surface. I was not in a bad mood or anxious, I just could never boast of a cheerful spirit and optimistic thinking. The trouble was when at one point in my recapitalization of today’s events I realized I wasn’t sure if certain things had happened to me today or some previous day. In fact, maybe the same things happen to me for days without me noticing any changes.
The rain had already wet my coat, I somehow removed the umbrella automatically, confused. I was standing in front of the entrance to the building where I lived, trying to remember what the apartment looked like before I ran out this morning. A black bag full of garbage in the corner of the kitchen, cluttered laundry in the middle of the living room. Everything else was more or less in place.
I entered the apartment cautiously, as if afraid of what I might find there. There were a dozen black garbage bags in the kitchen, much more laundry in the living room than I remembered. Wet, as water dripped from me onto the spotlessly clean floor I headed for the open bedroom door, which I was sure I had left closed. I carefully turned on the lights and remained petrified. I saw myself on bed staring in me with fear, and then in the blink of an eye I was on the bed, with a book in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.
It took me a few seconds to connect my thoughts and flinch. I was sure that until a few minutes ago I was at the entrance of the apartment, wet to the skin, and that I was just coming from the office. I went to the hallway, there were no garbage bags I remembered, no laundry that needed to be ironed, no traces of rain. I thought I was dreaming, but the reality of everything did not give me peace.
I ran to the window overlooking the entrance to the building, and there I saw myself standing with my umbrella down and my gaze full of indifference staring at the front door. Now I was really scared, I stood frozen for what looked like hours, and then I shivered and heard footsteps in front of the apartment door and a key in the lock. I was frozen, my body just couldn't move.
I saw myself entering the apartment, exhausted. And then darkness.
I was standing in the entrance hall of the apartment, looking at the place by the window where I was, I was sure, looking at myself until a few moments ago.
The garbage bags were stacked in the kitchen just as I had left them. And then, darkness came over me again, and the rain was heard falling relentlessly in the distance and somehow, I knew that these were my last conscious thoughts and sensations.
